Caden's First "Owie"

My poor, little man,

Being a mom is still so raw for me. Moms that are more experienced than me understand that life as you know it can be zapped away in an instant. I'm learning this lesson daily. Last week I learned it again.

It was a freezing morning as your dad took us to the airport early in the morning to make our trek to Colorado for Christmas. I took you out of the car seat to transfer you to your stroller. I had you dressed in warm clothes, a thick jacket, mittens and a hat. I was so worried you would be cold. I want to protect you, every part of you. As I put you in the stroller and tried to buckle you in (as I ALWAYS do, no exceptions) your jacket was too thick and you were already smooshed in there pretty good. I took a blanket, tucked it all around you even more and was convinced that you were so wedged in there that nothing could pry you loose. Boy was I in for a big surprise.

We were practically running through the parking garage to find our way to warmth, with all our luggage in tow. Your dad was in front of us pulling a suitcase and lugging your carseat, and I was pushing you and pulling a suitcase at the same time. Your dad and I both hear a dull thump, a scream, and Crying, Crying, Crying. I had NO idea what had just happened or what could have caused you to cry?? As I stopped the stroller and peeked around to see what was the matter, to my utter HORROR, I see you sprawled out, FACE FIRST on the concrete floor. My mind could not even grasp how this could have happened. Surely, I hadn't just failed you. In that split second before I scooped you up with heart pounding out of my chest, I just knew that we wouldn't be making that plane, that your face would be a bloody mess, that I would be dying all day long.

I picked you up as you were sobbing, and there was nothing. Dear God, there was nothing. No blood, no marks, no nothing. I searched and searched your face....I couldn't believe it. Your sobs were piercing me to the core. I figured out that your blanket must have gotten caught in the wheel of the stroller, pulled you underneath the bar, slid you out and flipped you over. How could I have been so stupid???? Why did I not take the extra minute to make your stroller straps fit?

The fear. The tears -- my own. This is our first injury, I kept thinking, tears falling down my cheeks. The first of many more I knew, and I couldn't stand it.
And, just like that, you were fine. You didn't cry again. Pure, raw childhood seeped from your soul.

Not long afterwards, when I took off your hat, I began to see the results of your fall....a big red bump was beginning to form. Thanks to the fact that I had a hat on your head there was no blood, but still, there was a bump! Just looking at it broke my heart. It got redder and redder.....and it was all my fault!! So....your first "owie"...... It's almost gone now after a week, but it still makes me so sad every time I look at it. I'm so sorry boo boo.... I can already tell that I'm not so cut out for my baby hurting.... You are such a trooper. I love you so much.... :)

Love, Mommy