Our Hilarie Reunion!!

Hi baby,

First of all, how is it possible for you fingernails to grow so fast? Geez!! I just don't understand it..... ok, that's all. :) ANYWAY... we got back from our Mexico trip last Monday evening, (or Tuesday morning should I say) at 12:30am. I was sooooo exhausted. It's not easy hauling car seat, stroller, diaper bag, luggage and YOU through airports, on airplanes, and taxis! At least I had help this time.....and I think I've pretty much got a system down now so it really isn't too bad. You of course make it wonderful. So.....after our whirlwind weekend, we got back super late and I made it to bed by 1:30am and was up with the alarm by 5:30 to grab you and get in the car to make the SIX hour trip to your Nana and Poppa's! My gosh, am I crazy???? There is no stopping for us! :)

This trip was a special one though cause we were going to see my childhood friend Hilarie and her mom Glorie! We lost touch with each other for awhile but we have been talking so much since we've been pregnant and had babies and she has become a dear friend to me. Hilarie lives in West Virginia, and they were making the drive at the same time to meet at my mom's house for a little reunion! Her little guy, Brendan, is only two months younger than you so it has been fun sharing our stories. I was so excited to see her again and to meet her little man!! We've exchanged so many pictures and finally we were going to be able to hold each other's babies!

So....after loading you up, and the 10 week old puppy, Annie, we headed out. All went well, except for a little bit of howling on Annie's part, and we made it there after a beautiful drive. My gosh I love the fall....I was just mesmerized by the changing trees...vibrant reds, oranges and yellows. The drive went by so quickly and you were an angel. I think you were just as amazed as I was. You stared out the window a good part of the trip when you weren't sleeping. Thank you God for painting such a beautiful picture for us to enjoy on our trip! :)

It was so wonderful to see Hilarie and her mom. Her baby Brendan is such a cutie....so precious. He was so much lighter than you! I can't believe you were ever that little...you are growing so fast. It was such a quick trip but we just hung out talking, playing with each other's babies, and telling them about some of our geocaching adventures. They had never heard of geocaching, and Hilarie was so excited to try it, so the next day we went for a walk downtown and found a few caches along the way! It was a lot of fun just spending time with them, eating Crab Rangoons on Main Street at a little chinese place, walking through a few stores and trying hats on and searching for those darn caches. :) They could only stay a short time, but we got a lot of fun in! We didn't take near enough pictures, but we had lots of laughs! You kept wanting to grab Brendan's face...too cute. Next time you both will be even more active. I'm glad that you guys will be able to be little buddies. What fun will be had!!












We stayed an extra day just hanging out with mom and Chuck and the new puppy Annie. Nana took care of you one morning so I could sleep an extra hour or so, and she gave you a bath, and played with you all morning. You got your "nana time" in for sure! She is so amazing with you, and you are crazy about her. Your nana and I played a bunch of Boggle while you were taking your naps. Boggle is a game where you shake up a bunch of letters and they fall in a grid and you have to make as many words as possible from the cubes that are touching without using the same letter twice. I swear I am pretty darn smart, but every time I play that game with her I wonder why I subject myself to such torture. Same thing when I play Scrabble or Speed with here...She ALWAYS beats me!! We're always pretty neck and neck (except for Boggle where she slaughters me) but she always wins! She is the only person that does that. Anyone else I play with, I'm used to being the one who wins, but with her...OH NO!! Gosh it makes me mad! :) But then I just want more....cause I'm determined to beat her! We have fun with it... and of course every time I'm with your Nana and Poppa we play lots of Canasta at night. It's a fun card game that I can only play with them, as no one else I know knows how to play it, so we play every night....and sometimes I win!! Yay!! :)

Anyway...we had a fun, quick trip and it was great to see good friends again. You are so amazing my little one and I just think you are the cutest thing that ever was. Thank you for making my life so much more fulfilling.

Love, Mommy

VIVA MEXICO!!!

Hola little man... How many six month olds can say that they have been to 6 different states AND another country? You are my little world traveler!! AND....next month you will be in Minnesota, North Dakota AND Canada!! WHew!!! How well adjusted to all of it you are too..... Have I mentioned how proud I am of you? You are just amazing....and quite the trooper amidst all the madness! You handle it much better than you mommy even does! :)

So we made the trek down to Ixtapa, Mexico last weekend to visit your Grandparents there for the very first time. They were dying to meet you now for quite some time, so your daddy and I picked a weekend and we took you to the gorgeous, pacific Ixtapa. We went to a resort that we have stayed in before....a gorgeous all-inclusive place that is just breathtaking. It was a great meeting place as your grandparents live in Central Mexico in a place called Celaya.

I wish I would have videoed your grandparents seeing you for the very first time. It was a sweet, tender moment that brought tears to my eyes to see the tears in THEIR eyes with the emotions they were feeling. They couldn't get enough of you, and they were both filled with happiness in being able to touch you and kiss you. They never wanted to put you down the whole trip and just showered you with so much attention and love. It was a beautiful thing to see....and sad at the same time... but it made going there all worth the trip. I'm glad that I could give the gift of YOU to them for those two and a half days. I think they will cherish those moments forever.






We spent alot of time at the pool....one day you were in the water for hours! You just LOVE the water....I tell ya....bathtime used to be the coolest, now it's pooltime!! You look so cute in your little floaty and you just splash and laugh away! I swear, you just smile with your whole body.... It is my favorite sight to see!! We dipped your toes in the ocean, and you were mesmerized by the waves. I hope you love the ocean as much as I do munchkin.... When it was naptime I would just get you naked and lay you down on a beach towel on the beach chair and you would just head off to la la land, happy to be naked for so long... :)(Forgive me for the picture, but it was just too cute not to share) You did so well with your schedule even amidst people, and pools, and hot weather. No crying here! :) Gosh I'm proud.....Have I mentioned that before?



So...all in all, Mexico was a great big success, and that place will never be the same after being graced with your lovely presence! :) Ha! Your grandparents are in awe of you and you even got a little mini baby tan! I promise that we will go back to Mexico again my little one. Everyone needs a "Mexico" fix from time to time.....it is always a pleasure! So.....thanks for being a wonderful traveler little one. I love you so much...or should I say.... TE AMO!!!

Love, Mommy

WHY must you sleep like that???

Ok little man....

We need to have a talk about your SLEEPING STYLE!! Ok, so we've established that you are the perfect sleeper. Every night you snooze a good solid 12-13 hours.....can't ask for more than that! It's the WAY you INSIST upon sleeping. You are an "under the cover" sleeper. You love to have a blanket OVER your face. Talk about FREAKING me out!!! I've tried everything.....not putting a blanket around you head like you prefer....only one blanket low on you....no blankets at all....
and nothing works. If I do these things, you toss and turn until I put that soft blanket in the crib and you are asleep within 2 seconds. And then....the next time I come check on you, you are nowhere to be found, cause the whole blanket is OVER your face. GOD that scares me. It is part of the reason that I check on you a million times while you are sleeping, besides the fact that I just plain miss you. :) I'm just so scared you are going to suffocate or something. I swear, I'm scared everytime I go in there of what I will find. I'm not sure what to do.....It's just the way you like to sleep! How can you breath under there? Your mommy is sooooo the opposite. I need fresh, new air to breathe!! :) I couldn't do what you do!!

So, not sure how to solve this.....I remember your Uncle Joey being the same way when he was little though. I never knew how he could do that breath under all those covers! Well, I'm trying not to freak out too much about it, but it's a scary thing to have you all covered up like that! I hope you get over this "phase." Please?? I'm gonna go check you now.....I'm sure I know what I will find!!!

I love you my little crazy sleeper...

Love, Mommy

SIX months already?????

Dear Caden,

Today you turned six months old!!! I can hardly believe that you are half a year old! How is it possible that time has gone by this quickly? Just six months ago I hadn't even met you yet....hadn't even kissed your perfect face, gazed into your beautiful eyes or touched your perfect skin. I didn't know what to expect....my life was about to change more than I ever could have imagined. I just didn't know how wonderful it really would be! I can't even begin to tell you how much I have enjoyed every second I have spent with you.....every kiss, every cuddle, every smile that illuminates from your perfect little face. If I ever thought I knew what love was, I was wrong. You have made that more than evident to me. You have my heart wrapped around your little finger, and there it will always be.

I feel as if we've time traveled these last six months, and watching you evolve more into a little boy has made me laugh out loud on a surprising number of occasions. You are so funny....I love celebrating the millions of small steps you take everyday toward larger milestones, with millions of kisses and hugs! You find everything fascinating: a button on a shirt; an earring in my ear; one of my hairs caught in your hand instantly becomes something that interests me too, and really, when is the last time that I cared that much about anyone else, that I’d sit quietly alongside them, just waiting for a smile or a round-eyed curious look? Never.

You make friends for us everywhere we go.... People gather around telling me how gorgeous you are, admiring your curly hair and your long eyelashes. They always say that you belong on a magazine cover or in commercials. You are a beautiful baby.

Your days go pretty much like this.... You wake up a few minutes before 7 in the morning, and I know you are awake by the babbling that comes from your room. You always wake up sooooo happy and when I come into your room you are ecstatic to see my face. You will even squeal or laugh and flail your arms when you see me. I love that moment. You make waking up so pleasant. I bring you to bed with me to feed you while I wake up a little more and you just slurp away, happy to watch the fan spinning above us..... We then get up, get you dressed and play for an hour or so and then I take you downstairs for your "other" breakfast! I usually mix up some oatmeal and bananas and you chow down! You love your breakfast time!! By 9:30 you are ready to crash again and you typically sleep an hour and a half while mommy gets to do some work or some cleaning.

You typically take a bottle every 3 hours or so and take about 2 other one hour naps throughout the day. We do a whole lot of playing and learning during your awake time....singing, reading, talking, tummy time, touching new surfaces, and lots of cuddles and kisses!! You love jumping in your little Johnny Jumper, and spend about an hour a day jumping to your heart's content. I'm trying to force you to do some more "tummy time" which is something you have always hated, but is so important, especially now. Most of the time, the living room floor carpet is covered by a big blanket and that is covered by your toys. Your toys as of now consist of your puppy "Orrie" (named after Oregon where we went to visit your aunt and uncle), your monkey "George," your little frog, your rattles, your little cloth book and your chain of linkies.

Around 6pm I feed you some veggies....whether it be sweet potatoes, mixed vegetables, carrots or squash. Sometime around 6:30 I draw the water and we take our evening bath together. Boy do you love that! I think it's your favorite time of the day. I then lotion you up, put your jammies on and it is nighty nighty time!!! I put you in your crib and you go fast asleep.....never ever do you cry. It's amazing. I love you so much....

We took you to your pediatrician today.....I was so anxious to see how big you have gotten. You weigh 18 pounds and 13 ounces, and you are 27 inches tall!! You are tall for your age, in the 75th percentile, but your weight matches right up, so you are perfect! She gave you 100% on everything!!! At the end of our visit, you got three shots, and you cried as if your heart were breaking. When you got the second shot, you cried so hard that you made no sound, and when you finally did make a sound, it was so loud and full of pain that it tore at my heart, too. I was holding your arms so you couldn't get in the way of the needles, and I leaned over you and kissed your head and told you, over and over, that I loved you, and that it would be ok. As soon as I picked you up you were ok...thank God....up onto your hands and knees. You do little stomach crunches when you are lying on

You are healthy and strong and happy. You sit up by yourself for long periods of time. You roll over from your back onto your tummy, and you push yourself up on your hands. You are always trying to do stomach crunches when you are on your back - you are straining to sit up to see what's going on. You grab at everything - nothing that is within two feet of you that isn't nailed down is safe - and you put everything that you successfully grab into your mouth. You only have a triangular section of hair left on the top of your head, and it is curly....probably the thing you get the most attention for! You still have no teeth, but I think they are coming soon!

You laugh and you squeal and you make gurguling sounds with your throat. You are trying out new noises all the time now - the last few days you have been working on "bbbbbb." You love the sound of your own voice......

You are starting to become ticklish under your armpits and all over your belly. You didn't used to be....but it is apparant now that you find it quite humorous!! :)

I tell you this every day a million times, but I will tell you again now.... I love you, I love you, I love you. I will always love you. You are six months old and that is how it is and this is how I feel.....Your smile will always make me happy beyond words and you are beautiful, wonderful, amazing and perfect.

One last thing....you tap my back too, as you look behind us, around my arm or over my shoulder when I hold or wear you. It feels like home to have you wrapped up close to me, comfortable and content, tapping away absently as you observe all that passes by, whipping your head this way and that as you pull yourself up a bit in excitement, by digging your fingers in my face or grasping my collarbone. I hope that you carry those feelings of being wrapped in love and protection with you always, that enable you to confidently observe everything with unblinking curiosity. As the world continues to happen around you quickly as it does, I hope you keep your childish curiosity and the abilitly to appreciate and consider everything that touches you, even the simple and commonly overlooked things in life; they may lead you to hidden treasures. When you embark on those journeys of discovery, I’ll be walking right along side you in spirit, loving you all the way. Happy six month birthday!!! I love you....

Love, Mommy

The Most Loved Baby...and The Best Friends

Hello my little one,

It's been a CRAZY week.... I had to show property almost EVERY day this week, so that meant alot of not being with you....NOT FUN. I've missed you so much. You got to play with alot of wonderful people though!! You just have no idea right now how many people are absolutely NUTS about you. You just wouldn't believe the love and attention that you get...even from perfect strangers!! Your Aunt Erika and Aunt Dana and Aunt Tracy got to watch you this week. They love you so darn much!!! Your Aunt Missy is just enthralled with you.....she can't get enough! All of us are so addicted it's ridiculous..... :) How can one little man wrap so many of us around his little finger like you do? Whatever you've done, you've done it, and I am completely and forever in love with you.

I'm so glad that you will get to grow up with my wonderful friends around you. I am so very blessed with the best of friends a girl could ask for, and I know that their love and influence will help shape who you are in such a wonderful way. I'm so thankful and excited for that. I never imagined in my lifetime that I would feel so excited about my friendships. Girls have a hard time finding really great girlfriends and I feel like I have hit the jackpot in that area. I have SO many friends that I would consider my very best friends. Not many people can say that. I truly, truly have been blessed, and we have soooo much together. Although I have no sisters or sisters-in-laws yet, you will have LOTS and LOTS of aunts doting on you!!

I want you to know a little something about each person that I consider a very dear friend...... You will come to know these things as well, and love them too, but I just wanted to share a little of my bestest girls....Hmm....where to start....no particular order....

Heather Moore.... I'll start with the "Heiferonies" as I call her. I haven't seen her in awhile so I've been missing her. You are going to have lots of fun adventures with Heather! She is a funny, quirky, extremely talented, silly and adventurous girl who will probably get you in trouble somehow....(although I've threatened her life if she does!) She won't mind playing in the mud with you or taking you for a ride on her motorcycle...if I let her....which I probably wont! :) She is the sweetest, down to earth girl and an amazing friend who sticks closer than a brother. I love her dearly...Anyway, she adores you and I can't wait for you to know her more. She will make you laugh til your sides hurt!

Erica Alexander..... Oh my little Erica.... How I love her so... :) She is a goofy goofball who has everyone rolling all the time. She makes me laugh uncontrollably and is as sweet as they come. She always has stories of her adventures and just absolutely is one of a kind. She is an amazing singer, and you wait.....will be a star someday!! She loves you so much......she acts like a total idiot when she is around you just like your mommy! You think she is hilarious. We can't help being goofballs to make you smile. I'm so glad that she is in your life. I love her so much.

Dana Poulson.....is the best! :) She is so charming and full of life. She is a smart, spiritual and in-tune person that always has great advice and insight on the world. She knows all the herbal remedies and cures for anything! She is a fun, fun person to be around and one you love already! We all love Dana....she definitely adds life to any party! She is one of a kind and I love her like crazy!!

Rebecca Helwig......my fairly new and amazing friend! Gosh I love her....She is so sweet and so darn funny....Definitely a hoot to be around. She is so thoughtful and is always thinking of others. She just jumps right in and is a trooper with anything! She is absolutely beautiful inside and out...and has a body we are all envious of! Hehehehe.... She is absolulely in awe of your cuteness and goodness most of all. She brags on you all the time...and when she has a baby she wants him or her to be JUST like you! :) I love our Rebecca.....and so do you...

Kim Silvestri....My favorite Canadian friend... :( I'm so sad that she has moved so far away from me. It has definitely been hard on me!!! I just love her so very much, and it just broke my heart when she left. We still talk alot, though not as much as I would like, and I always love our conversations! Kim is just the sweetest girl you will ever meet, quiet and meek, yet so full of fun and spontenaity. She can be fiesty and I love it! :) She loves to read like me, and she is just a smart woman. She is great mom and she thinks you are the cutest! She got to meet you once when you were a few months old, and I can't wait for you to meet her again. Someday we will go visit her in Canada. Most definitely. I miss my friend....


Amy Hale....My oldest friend ever! We grew up together and you haven't met her yet but she is the sweetest girl ever! She is someone you will just be comfortable around...she is very easy going. She is probably my most GORGEOUS friend....and I have gorgeous friends!...and she is definitely the most stylish! This girl has class galore.... My little miss PHD....I'm so proud of her. You will learn lots from Amy just being around her! I can't wait for you to meet her. You will love her as dearly as I do!!

Erica Sandlin... My new wonderful, quirky, funny friend!! I just met her a few months ago when we both started working for this Real Estate Team, and she is the best!! I just love her to death. She is sooo hilarious, and so fun, and full of energy galore! She is a radio personality in Mississippi so she is a total hoot. And sweet as well!! I have really enjoyed getting to know her and adding her to my group of girls I love so much. With these girls around you all the time you won't ever stop laughing little man!

Tracy Spradlin....Loves you sooooo much!! She is always wanting to watch you, and her and her husband talk about you all the time. How sweet is that??? She even has dreams of you! She has a teenager so she's been through the "baby stage" before, but they are wanting to try for a baby again, so hopefully we can get you another playmate! :) She is a sweet, sweet girl, always offering to help any way that she can with you. What a caring spirit.... I'm so glad you get to know her! I just think she is a huge sweetheart and I love her dearly.

Hilarie Keeney.... (Still Hilarie Magrum to me... :) ) We are going to see her soon and I am so excited for you to meet her and her little guy Brendan! He is only two months younger than you and will be a great buddy for you! Hilarie is also one of my oldest friends....we grew up homeschooling together and had many fun adventures!! I lost track of her for many years and just recently have connected again and I couldn't be more thrilled! We have had so much fun sharing our pregnancies and births together....and talking about both of you! It's definitely our favorite subject!! She is sooooo excited to meet you and you will absolutely love her. She is a sweet, sweet girl full of life that I am excited to know again too!!!

Missy Newton....LOVES LOVES LOVES LOVES YOU!!!!!! Boy, she is just crazy about her little man! She has watched you probably more than anyone else, and I always feel completely comfortable when you are with her. She is a pro! And a good friend. Very thoughtful and wise. I am glad that you will grow up around her.

Ok, so I could go on and on forever about all my friends....there are many more that I am not mentioning that I love so very dearly and so will you....I'll have to mention them at a later time. I just wanted to tell you a little bit about some of my dear friends, and let you know the importance of surrounding yourself with good friends and good people. It makes all the difference in the world. You will become like the friends around you my son, so make sure that they are worth it, and that they give back something that makes you a better person. I know all my friends do, and I consider myself the luckiest woman on earth to have the love of my freinds. I am sooooo blessed. With all these woman around you, you have no choice but to be the best gentleman around! If not, you will have lots of "aunts" to contend with!!

This blog is turning out to be a long one....whew!....but I've gone a few days without writing so I'm making up for it now. In development news, you are soooo close to being able to sit up on your own. You can now sit for 30 seconds at a time on your own, but then you start leeeeeeeaning to one side or the other. It's so cute!!! It won't be long now and you will be an official sitter!!! I'm excited for that. You just don't seem to like being on your back so much cause you want to see the world! Also....you are a little kisser!! You love to give kisses now.... Your idea of a kiss is to open your mouth wide and slobber all over someone's face, preferably the chin. It is hilarious and messy! :) You are making more and more noises, holding a note for 20 seconds at a time. You seem to really get a kick out of your own voice, and to me, it's the sweetest sound I know.

Well, you just woke up, so I'm going to go play with you my precious!! I love you more than life....

Love, Mommy

HELLO People!!

Dear Lurkers,

I’m confused.... I’ve been writing and writing, keeping all of you up to date on my busy life and Caden's development, but besides seeing that many, many numbers of people visit my site very often,some days up to 95, no one comments. Not ONE comment since July? That makes my heart hurt a little. :( Although I am writing this blog out in a journal for Caden to keep one day, I really started this ONLINE for everyone to take part in his development as well.....to be able to add your comments to his book maybe, to show that you took part in it all!

Lurkers, it’s time to step out of the cyber-world! Who are you? Why do you read this blog? Is this your first time here, or do you regularly come back? How did you find me? What’s your story?
This includes you, family of mine.

Sincerely,

Comment Deprived Blogger Mom

My Favorite Time of Year

Fall is FINALLY here! Last night I walked outside and it was CHILLY!! It had that "feel" in the air! Oh my gosh, I was sooooo excited. I just wanted to run down the street spreading the great news that summer was finally gone and that fall has officially come! I've been so ready for it this year. It seems that this summer was unbearably hot and I've just been anticipating the "change". Fall is my favorite season. The weather is just so perfect...not too hot and not too cold. At night you need a light sweater or jacket...LOVE THAT! The leaves turn colors and the mosquito's go away. The camping trips are just around the corner with fires, and smores, and good friends. I love seeing pumpkins, squash and scarecrows on people' s front porches and yards. I love the yummy food of fall.... chili, cornbread and pumpkin pie. I love the smell of fall and the feel of fall. I love decorating my house with all my fall colors and a few Halloween favorites. I just love the knowledge that the holidays are just around the corner. This has got to be my ALL time favorite time. :)


The colors of fall are so beautiful.....I just love going for drives this time of year just to soak in all the beauty. I truly feel thankful of our earth more during this time than any other... well, unless I'm on top of the mountains in Colorado skiing......that's a big toss up!! :) I also love that soft and comfty sweaters are just around the corner. I love wearing winter clothes. When it starts to get darker or dreary, or it starts to rain, it makes me want to curl up on my comfy couch with a cup of Chai Tea or Hot Chocolate and read a good book. Which brings up memories of me when I was little and the books I remember reading.

I used to love reading Grace Livingston Hill books, my favorite... I must have read a hundred of them. Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys, The Emily of Blue Moon series, Anne of Green Gables, The Black Stallion, Where the Red Fern Grows, The Yearling, and Robin Cook. I read as many books as I could get my hands on. I miss that....being able to read so much. I'm lucky if I get in one book a month. My favorite friend Kim in Canada encourages me to keep up with her on books, but I never can....I miss it. Oh well, I feel at times that I am writing my own book now with all my life happenings and the new-found joy of my son. What better thing to read than that? :) I hope everyone can experience something in their "fall" that makes them feel renewed and refreshed with what is to come.....

Overwhelmed = No Inspiration

I have no inspiration today. My brain is fried and I am overwhelmed. I just started two separate blogs, saved them both, and then deleted them. They were uninspired, boring and useless. Kind of like this post.
I don’t even have a cute picture to post in lieu of my clever writing.
Some days, I guess, are just normal days, with normal events, and that’s okay.
Or maybe i’m just pretending the day has been normal because i don’t feel like facing any of it. Yes, that’s probably more likely. So forgive me the blahness of this post....


I regularly respond to the concerned inquiries of my friends and family with “Yes, I’m fine. I’m great. I’m happy.” And I am..... surprisingly so. Is it possible that amongst some of my heartwrench and uncerainty that I could possibly be this resiliant, this strong?

And then something will happen, an every day occurance, or more often, a night I stay up too late,like tonight,and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. If I let it, my fear swallows me and drags me down like quicksand. I feel panicked over how I'm going to do all this....how I'm going to raise him right....how I'm going to financially provide for Caden and yet spend as much time with him as possible. I don't want him in daycare. Can't do it..... So how do I do it? I know that it will be ok....I feel it will be ok, and that is why I'm ok.... but sometimes I just need to cry....and I haven't for a long time. I did that tonight....Cried in fear...cried for the companionship of someone knowing and understanding. It is quite odd to be living with such delighted happiness and such profound sadness all at the same time.

I'm just a little overwhelmed right now....Work is soooo busy and I must leave my love behind...My responsibilities are overwhelming, though I'm not complaining.... Feed the dogs, feed the puppies, feed Caden, clean the house, take out the trash, mow the grass, take out the garbage, make the bed, do laundry, feed Caden, feed myself, dress Caden, clean some more, and then try to do some work in between all of this when he is sleeping..... Whew! Although I do get some help it still is a FULL TIME JOB with overtime! :) Today it just all caught up....I felt choked....

But!! Tomorrow is a better day, and in thinking that, I already feel better. I refuse to feel this way two days in a row, so I'm going to do something exciting and something fun......a big part of that exciting will just be making my perfect, amazing son smile..... God....I'm smiling already just thinking of him. I'm going to go look at him now.... Good night!!

Raspberry KING!

Hello my sweetest!!

So today it's as if the "light went on" when it came to blowing raspberries.....That's all you seemed to do today. Over and over and over. You had me rolling.....Bblblblblblblblblblbllbbllb.......... holding it for 20 seconds at times and projectile spitting on whatever was in the vicinity, which usually seemed to be ME! You were LOVING it! You've done it on occasion before, but today it was if you "Mastered the Art" and didn't want to stop for fear you would forget!

The funniest thing EVER happened just now before I hopped online to write this. I went to check on you (like I do 20 times a night....I can't seem to stay away!) and your blanket wasn't covering you, so I tried pulling the blanket out from under you a little bit, which kinda made you move around slightly, and there you went blowing raspberries again! In your sleep! With your eyes closed!!! I had to run out of the room I was laughing so hard. It was hilarious and just so shocking! I SO was not expecting that!

What a complete and precious doll you are. I just crave each new day for all the new things that I know are right around the corner. You entertain me thoroughly. You are going to be sitting soon....You can already sit for 10 seconds at a time without falling over. You are getting stronger and stronger! I'm tired, and I already can't wait for tomorrow. I have to leave you for a good part of the day to show property and I'm already sad. This week is going to be rough for me. I'm so busy and I have 4 different clients in town and work every day but Tuesday. We are going to have to do something extra special that day. I love you, I love you, I love you. You still have me laughing my little raspberry King!!!!!

Love, Mommy

Sexy Again

Ok, I've always, ALWAYS said that I would "SO not be that woman who doesn't do her hair or makeup when she has a baby. I will still care very much about how I look!" Uh..... Ok, so maybe I didn't completely understand the reasons why. Seriously, what is it about having babies and us becoming blah? Is it because we are so tired that even so much as combing our hair seems like too much energy? I swore I would still fix my hair every day. That was five months, two weeks and 1 day ago. You know how many times I've REALLY fixed it? Uh....maybe twice. I seem to be the "pony tail girl" all the time now. That, and Caden is at the age where he will yank every last hair out of my head if I DON'T wear it back. OUCH!!

Why bother is what I usually think? Half the time I'm staying home most the day to work, and play with my son, so this is the conversation that goes through my mind..."Do I really need to shower today? Is it worth the energy and time? Did I shower yesterday? I don't remember.... ) :) Hehehehe... If I'm not going out in public, the answer is usually no, I don't. Though, I have learned lately that I feel alot better when I do anyway.

These rough-looking Mama days have been hard for me lately. Even though I've never been a HIGH-maintenance girl, I did care what I looked like...I loved dressing up and feeling good about myself.

Since Caden, splurging on silly things like nail polish and fancy hair products, seems irrelevant. Even when I do get a cash surge, which is pretty much NEVER, the money usually needs to go to something else, and that something else wears a size small diaper, eats 2-3 cans of baby food a day, one can of formula a week, a LOTS of baby wipes...sheeesh!!! :)

However, it is TIME...I have hit that point!!! I'm sick of my "blahness!" I feel it’s appropriate now, for my mother-like self, with my shorts & T-shirts, pony-tailed hair and bare face, to De-Frump or De-Slump.

It is time to make a change, to get back to that sexy girl who felt confident when she walked down the street, the one who wore heels even though they hurt and wore lipstick even though it never lasted long.

That's it. I'm bringing sexy back. As soon as that next burst of energy strikes. So look out world cause here I come!! Woo hoo!! :)

My Little Swan Diver!!!

Ok my little man!!!

You SCARED the LIFE out of me yesterday afternoon!!!! How many times do I need to tell you not to take after your Uncle Joey!!! So I prop you up on the sofa between pillows so that I can go out the back door and grab the food bowl to feed the puppies...... I'm away from you for what, 3.5 seconds? I start walking back through the door as I see you leaning forward as if contemplating what it would be like to be on the floor instead....and that is EXACTLY what you did!! I felt as if I was in one of those "slow motion" clips where something is happening and the other person is saying...."Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" as they are trying to stop what is about to come about...... but of course it is always to late. And so was I. Off the couch you went, HEAD first, taking two pillows with you (thank GOD, since it cushioned your fall) and did like a summersault with a twist. I must say, if you were in baby olympic gymnastics you would have gotten a pretty great score for that one! I WAS FREAKING OUT!!!!! I almost got you, I was that close..... and when I came to you, you laid there for a second just looking stunned at what you just accomplished, and then you started crying. I know you didn't hurt yourself, thank God, thank God, thank God.....you just scared yourself. My heart was pounding out through my BRAIN, and I was just as much in shock as you I think. The moment I picked you up you stopped crying, but I feel like I was crying inside for hours later..... You SCARED ME!!! No more couch propping for you! I'm sticking to the floor from here on out. You've finally hit that point of no-return.... :) Thank you for not hurting yourself baby....I would be crying still!! No more stunts like that! God I love you........

Love, Your Mommy

Who I have become

My sweet little guy,

So many thoughts swirl around my mind all throughout the day and night when it comes to you....things I want to say to you... things I want to share with everyone about your development...and just how much I love you. Writing to you has almost become an obsession now. You truly inspire me...and trust me, if I were to be writing about anything else, these pages would be blank and I'd be lucky to get in one entry a month. I honestly don't know how I have enough time to write as much as I do....I don't have the time! But I make it....cause it's for you.... its about you.

So many days I am amazed myself at who have I become. I just could never go back now. You have forever changed me in the best of ways. I'm different in so many senses of the word now that I'm a mom. I have clarity. More responsibility. I see things in order -- in black and white. I'm less worried about the middle, the gray. I know exactly what I need in my life and what I do not.

I seem to look more within myself, I can see exactly what's inside me -- the good, and the bad. And now more than ever I want to fix what is not so great...for you--To be the best example for you that I could possibly be. In one fell swoop my patience has gotten stronger, my indurance greater, and the wonder of life has overwhelmed me.

Yet, at the same time, the me I've become is even much more than all of that. I'm growing...I'm enlightened.... I'm realizing even more how much God loves us. He compares His love to that of a parent, and if that is truly how He feels about me....why have I resisted so many times in my life to let Him be in control OF my life?. Don't ever make that mistake Caden....Learn to lean on Him cause He loves you more than I even do! Is that possible? :)

I can see now that I've made mistakes, that I've pushed for things that were bad decisions, and that now it's time to right the wrongs.

I used to think it was funny when people would speak a few "not so good words" in my presence but now I feel like I would want to hurt them if they even thought about saying a bad word in front of you. :)

I used to care so much about my outer appearance, making sure every hair was smoothed down, makeup was on perfectly, clothes had no wrinkles..Now, all I care about is that YOUR hair is perfect, your skin has been lotioned up and smelling sweet, and your clothes are coordinated perfectly. I could care less about the perfection of myself now. I feel beautiful because I have you!! Now don't get me wrong...never will I be that "mom" that will let herself go and not care about what she looks like, I could never do that, but I don't freak out if I'm missing some makeup or my hair is not quite perfect. You still think I'm amazing, so who cares about what anyone else thinks?


The core of me is still the same. I'm still an adventurous, fun-loving goofball who can shed a tear at anything beautiful, but I'm different now too. By that, I mean, I'm strict with my time -- what I read, who I converse with, where I spend my money and how I spend my evenings and weekends.

I'm different.

I'm a mom now. And it's the greatest adventure I'm embarked on yet....

I love you my little guy!!

Love, Mom