My lovely little person

July 27th...

Hi my baby,

So much has been happening, it is hard to keep up. I always regret not writing because I want you to know everything that has been happening in your life, but it's hard to juggle everything!

Of primary importance– I have discovered that you are quite ticklish under your armpits. It is the sweetest little thing. The other morning, just on a whim, I tickled you under your armpits and you started cracking up. It is funny to watch and listen to you laugh–it makes me ecstatically happy to listen to you giggle and then break out into a full on fit of laughter. It’s another one of those crazy things, a way that you are growing up. It’s so awesome to see you grow up and learn new things, but then also inexplicably sad to see you leave certain things behind (like your sweet little preemie clothes,newborn clothes, and swaddling rituals). I could never have guessed how emotionally loaded being a parent is and how irrational love can feel. I keep wanting to freeze you where you are. I can’t imagine that the day will ever come when I can’t just pick you up and hold you or splash around with you in the tub. Sniff…

I got you one of those bumbo seats and you just love it! It's so nice to be able to set you anywhere and you just "hang out." I put you on my countertop in my bathroom while i'm getting ready and you just watch me....I put you on the stovetop in the kitchen while i'm cooking or cleaning and you just watch me....Anywhere I put you you are just content as can be and you just watch me.... you are too cute!!!


I hope that you will always feel like you can come to me and that I will help guide you through life’s many journeys. While it may be hard to remember at times, I am your mom and we will always have your best interests at heart. No one will ever love you more than I will love you, ever. I will always root for you the hardest and cheer for you the loudest. When you hurt, I will ache for you, and when life is good to you, my heart will swell for you. I will always be your number one fan, no matter the situation or outcome. I hope that you will know these truths in your heart for all time, my littlest buddy. Sniff…

Well, I don’t know what to say now. I didn’t mean to go on one of my emotional blubberings, but there you go. I’m just so scared that I will mess up along the way and you will not know how extremely dear you are to me.

But what else… Next week we have to go for your 4 month doctor’s appointment. I can’t believe it's already time for that! You are going to get your next round of vaccinations, which means shots. I’m sure to cry and I may have to hold myself back from wrangling the needle from the nurse’s hands. Serenity now… I wonder if you're going to start eating solid foods soon? That's going to be a fun fun day...

Well, my littlest love... I've got work to do now so I better take advantage of that while you are asleep! I'm missing you already!! Sleep tight my munchkin....Mommy loves you...

Love, Mommy

Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You

Hi Punkin',


"You're just too good to be true,
Can't take my eyes off of you.
You'd be like heaven to touch
I wanna hold you so much,
At long last love has arrived,
And I thank God I'm alive.
You're just too good to be true,
Can't take my eyes off of you.

Pardon the way that I stare,
There's nothing else to compare,
The sight of you leaves me weak;
There are no words left to speak.
But if you feel like I feel,
Please let me know that it's real.
You're just too good to be true,
Can't take my eyes off of you.

I love you baby, and if it's quite all right,
I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night.
I love you, baby, trust in me when I say:
Oh pretty, baby don't bring me down I pray,
Oh pretty baby, now that I've found you,
Stay and let me love you, baby, let me love you."

I love to sing this song to you. It just seems to express quite well how I feel about you...... I sing to you all the time, and sometimes it seems as if you are trying to sing as well! :) Your favorite song at the moment is "He's Got the Whole World In His Hands"....when I sing "the whole" part, I spread your harms REALLY wide, and use great expression, and you just giggle and giggle...! I just love your smailes, and you are just full of them all the time.

Well, you are waking up from your nap now.....I can hear you in there just talking away.....I can't wait to see you, so I will have to finish all I have to say another time. I love you munchkin!! :)

Love, Mommy

I'ts all about me when I'm eating!

July 19th,

Hello my little whiner, :)

Ok, let me clarify. You NEVER whine or cry or moan and groan. I've already made that point very clear on many occasions about how very perfect you are... EXCEPT when you are eating and I am not giving 100% of my attention to you. It is too cute... you like me to be perfectly quiet and for my eyes to be on you the whole feeding. If I start talking to someone else, or looking at something else, the whining starts....:)...It's more like a squeal of protest. You absolutely do not want my attention diverted anyhwere else except your face. I'ts hilarious.... Also, even when I am paying that 100% attention to you, you don't want me to talk or sing to you either. Any other moment of your awake time you welcome it gladly, and even sing along, but when you are eating it is strictly business, and you would prefer it to be nice and quiet. Sometimes I forget and start to sing something to you and that squeal puts me back in my place. What a goof you are. I guess if that's the ONLY thing you are a bit demanding of I will let you eat in peace and not complain. As much as I love looking at you I can spend that time soaking you in.... I love you my little "quiet eater."

You got your first little boo boo this week and it was all my fault. :( We were taking a walk in the stroller and I turned you towards the sun for just a moment. I usually pull the shade down immediately but I thought you'd be ok for just a second. Well, you started clawing at your eyes and took a little chuck out of your nose. It was the first time you had a blood-drawn accident. As tiny as the little scratch was, I wanted to just cry and cry. My goodness, what am I going to do when you REALLY hurt yourself? I'm already dreading it... Please don't be like your Uncle Joey Caden. He was ALWAYS hurting himself..... Don't do that to me ok? I don't think I would handle that very well. I always considered myself to be pretty calm in those type of situations, but I'm worried now...I seem to fall apart anytime that you cry or hurt. I need to learn how to "toughen up" when it comes to you. You are truly my weakness.....

Well, I love you so much....I'm going to go look at you sleeping....you are so funny now. You're hair goes all over the place and you are just looking more and more like a little boy. Stop growing so fast!!!

Love, Mommy

I'm a Roller!

July 16th...

Hi my little roly poly,

It was your 13th week birthday yesterday....you are growing so big!! Today you accomplished a big milestone....you rolled over for the first time!!! I was so excited I acted like I won the lottery or something. It's amazing how much you thrill me with just the little things you do. This was a big one though!! I rolled you back on your stomach and away you went again! You did it three times in a row! Yay! I'm sure pretty soon you will be rolling all over the place.

You are starting to really "look" at everything now and take it all in. I love watching you discover things for the first time. The other day you really "noticed" your bottle for the first time. Of course you have been in contact with a bottle every day, multiple times, for quite awhile now, but until then you were pretty much oblivious. Now its like ohhhhhh.... this is how I get my food.... and you lay there and just study it. I'ts cute...

You definately keep your eyes on me when other people are holding you. You seem to know at every moment where I am in the room. Sometimes I feel I need to leave the room in order for the person holding you to get some attention, but secretely I am bursting with love for you that you seem to care so much that I am near. I just simply adore you and your precious ways about you.

I put you in your bouncy seat in the bathroom when I am taking a shower and while the shower door is clear, it still gets fogged up and you can't see me unless I rub a little area to look out. I can see that you are just staring at the glass door, and when I do rub a spot to look out at you you just explode in the biggest smile ever. It's as if you are just waiting for me to show my face.... You never cry while I am taking a shower or getting ready in the bathroom...you just sit there and watch every move I make. I just don't understand why everyone said I wouldn't have time to take a shower or get ready. You allow me to do whatever it is I need to do in my day while not so much as a peep. You truly are the perfect baby. I am just so in love with you....

It's crazy that at only 3 months I already know things you like and don't like. For instance, I know you like to be swaddled when you sleep. You like a blanket to be cozy around your head. You like your pacifier when you sleep.(That is the only time I give you a pacifier) You don't like your feet swaddled. You don't like to be held in the traditional way that a baby is held....you like to be in a more upright position, and you LOVE baths. I can't wait to learn more of your likes and dislikes. I just can't wait to learn more about you period.

I just put you to sleep not long ago and I already miss you. Can't wait for the morning so I can kiss your precious face.

Love, your Mommy

My little travelin man

July 3rd, 2007

Hi, lovebug.

Last night I "woke" you up to have a bottle before I went to bed at midnight, and my heart swelled at your sweetness. You never open your eyes for these late night feedings... you just slurp away. Everything about you was so soft and it just made me ache. I cherish you, sweetest, sweetest boy.

Last week we made the trek to South Carolina to see your nana and poppa. I am still so amazed how well you do in the car. Not a single peep the whole six hours. How is it that you are so good?? It makes me nervous every time cause I feel that it can't possibly be as easy as a trip as the last time but you suprise me every time you get in that carseat. You are a first class traveling boy. Anyway.....we got to Nana and Poppa's and boy did we have fun! They were so amazed how much you've grown and matured in just a month. Your personality is developing at warp speed now–you are full of grins, babbles and curiousity. They just loved loving on you all week long. Papa showed you what "tools" were and you even tasted your first hammer! We had alot of fun taking funny and cute pictures of you..... Please don't be mad at me when you get older, but we did put you in a flower pot and also in a big pot on the stove. We even put you on a platter with vegetables all around you. (That was your nana's idea so you can have a talk with her later.) We got such a kick out of it and were laughing so hard the whole time....you just looked soooo cute. By the end of our photo session you didn't appreciate us all too much so we decided to stop. I just love you!!!

Your papa had a company party and we took you to see your first fireworks display. I was a little nervous whether or not it was ok for you to be there, and if it would be too loud for you, but when the fireworks started I just put my hands over your ears and you stared into the sky just mesmerized. I'm not sure what all you could see, but it sure seemed like you enjoyed those fireworks as much as any of us! My gosh I hope I haven't hurt your precious little ear drums in any way. I just worry so much about you.....you are precious.

This past saturday we all went to the lake and you got your first taste of truly being a "nature man". I stripped you down to your birthday suit and took you swimming in the lake. Boy did you love that! You were kicking and splashing and just seemed in awe of the whole experience. You probably just loved being naked for so long!! We decided we needed to get some pictures of you sitting up on the Jet Ski so I went around to the other side and held you up so it looked like you were riding it on your own. It was soooo cute. There was a boat next to us full of people watching our "photo session" when all of the sudden nature called for my little munchkin. Before we knew it you were letting a little stream fly through the sky like a little drinking fountain. The people in the boat next to us starting clapping and cheering and we were laughing so much I could have drowned. :) Definately a hilarious moment....what a way to christen the new jet ski!! I'm so glad you love the water my little one....we are going to have some fun adventures in the future. I can't wait!!

You make me feel so crazy good it is hard to imagine my life without you now. What did I even do before you? I think I would be so lost without my little Caden. When you giggle, I feel like I'm hearing the voice of God. And then there's the goofy way that you try to slurp down a bottle and put your hands in your mouth at the same time. Occasionally you seem to get frustrated that you aren't eating fast enough, and I have to laugh at you. There is a video of a dog who attacks his own foot, apparently unaware that the foot is attached to its own body. When you have your hand in your mouth along with a bottle, you kind of remind me of that dog. It is as though you don't realize that your hand belongs to you and you can take it out of your mouth. Maybe you don't–who knows? Whatever the case, you are fantastically cute and I adore you.

Yep, I adore you. As I was telling your Auntie Rebecca yesterday, it's so nice to know that someone needs you so very much and looks up to you as your are a hero. You are my biggest fan....You think I'm funny, you love to look at me, you sing along with my ridiculous songs, and you fall asleep to my kisses all over your precious, dear face. I can't imagine the day when you won't like me this much. I try not to think about it too much because it makes me a little sad. The other thing that makes me a little sad is that you cannot possibly understand how much I love you. You just won't be able to until you have a child. It gives me a new appreciation for my parents for sure. I love them so much....and so will you little one!

You aren't going to remember all the fun we are having right now. I wish I could let you know that every single thing you do–from giggling to out and out sobbing, from falling asleep to splashing in the tub, from watching you in your bouncy seat to getting you out of your car seat when you are drowsy–every thing you do fills me with a joy I have never known before. I look forward to a life with you and consider myself the luckiest of all people to be your mommy.

You are on the perfect schedule now...I am so proud of my little man. You are so good that you are so predictable almost to the minute! You are my little clockwork baby. You eat and then an hour and a half later almost to the minute you are ready for a nap. If I'm not looking at the time you will get a little fussy at one minute past that time. When I put you down you just drift off to sleep so fast you are usually gone before I can even get out of the room. Of course I have to swaddle you or your arms flail around and wake you up....too cute. So.....you insist on being swaddled tight in your safe little cocoon. You never cry at all. You are definately a "self soother." Boy am I a proud mommy. You usually nap for an hour and a half or two hours and are ready for you next feeding when you wake up and you start all over again. It's been great because no matter where we are, someone's house, or out running around, I can put you on someone's bed, or pull the shade over your car seat, and off to la la land you go. You are such an adapting little tooper!!!

By the way my prince, you are deeply in love with your fist. You chew on it all the time these days and are drooling like a leaky faucet. My goodness can you get an outfit soaked in a matter of hours! Are you getting teeth at three months old? I think we are way off from that, I hope, but boy can you drool it up!!By the way, your three month birthday is in 5 days! I just can't believe it. I've always heard people say "Enjoy them while you can cause they grow up so fast" but I never knew how true that was. I just want to freeze you right where you are little guy.....I'm scared of you getting bigger cause I just love you so much right now in this stage, but at the same time I just cant WAIT for all the things to come and all the little stages you will go through. You mesmerize me every day and I just can't get enough of you. I love you!!!!!

I guess I've written enough for now...you'll be waking from you nap any minute. I can't wait to hold you....

Love, Mommy

Look Ma! I have hands!

June 22nd

My baby.....

I can't believe that in two days you will be 10 weeks old. It was just yesterday you were born! I'm already getting sad that time is moving so quickly....I want you to stay exactly as you are, but then I can't wait for all the new and cute little things that you will do. I am so torn! But obviously I have no choice so I try to hang on to each and every moment that I can while you are this little. It's hard for me to even put you down cause I just adore touching you, and kissing you so much!

Often I will put you down in your swing or your bouncer so that you can explore your toys you love so much and mommy can get a few things done around the house, but give me about 2 minutes and I am already missing your smile and want to come pick you up again for more hugs. You are too precious!!! Your smiles are getting bigger and bigger and you are more vocal than ever. I love it.

In other news, you have discovered you hands!!!! And boy do you think they are sooo cool! You will sit there for minutes on end just STARING at your hands as if you are in awe. You hold your arms straight out in front of you with your perfect little hands in a fist and just stare..... It is so funny..... especially when you get all crosseyed trying to focus on them.

You're getting so big now munchkin! When I took you in for your 8 week appointment you weighed 10pounds 14 ounces and you were 23 inches long.... Finally you are gaining weight! You had to get your first round of shots however, and your mommy wanted to cry before it even began. You did so good though.... the first shot just startled you, and the next two sent you wailing, but the moment I picked you up you were fine. It was me that continued to cry....so see? you are braver than your mommy. You woke up with a fever at around 2 in the morning and I was hating seeing you miserable....I held you for hours until your fever broke. I know for sure that your pain in is definately my worst hurt.......

You are sleeping right now and I am missing you like crazy...wake up! Ok, not really though...we have such a good schedule going now! You are truly the perfect baby.....you take several naps during the day with no crying when I put you down, and you sleep through the night. PLUS you rarely cry....what more could I ask for??? I LOVE YOU!!!! Have I expressed that enough to you??? You are my life.......and my world....thank you for being the best baby a mom could ever ask for!

Love, mommy

Got Milk?

June, 11th....

Well my little man...

After much pain and many tears on your mommy's part, you are now strictly a formula fed baby. I've had a raging infection since you were born that caused major pain every time you nursed. It was such a bittersweet experience for me. There was nothing I loved more than holding you that close to me and watching you indulge in your favorite thing, but the pain just was too intense and I knew that I wouldn't be able to do it forever. I cried so much about it, feeling inadequate and guilty about not giving you the BEST that I could, but I tried pumpkin...So...after 8 weeks of trying every possible medication, I am drying it all up and feeding you formula. It's a little tough, a little sad, but we'll be all right. The upside is that you are a wonderfully sloppy bottle-eater. You get formula all over yourself. It is just another totally adorable thing about you. That, and that you try to grin while you are eating, which only adds to little white spittle of drool that spews forth from your sweet little mouth. You are a mess, and I love you with my life.

Love, Mommy.. .

Those simple things I adore

May 28th.....

Hi my little munchkin man,

Wow aren't you just getting cuter and cuter with every passing day! Have I told you how much I love you lately?? It's more than I could ever even begin to tell you. Everyday I am just enthralled with all the little sounds and faces you make. I am just mesmerized watching you!! You are starting to really smile now and it just absolutely melts my heart. You'll just look at me and break out into this huge toothless grin that is pretty much the cutest thing I've ever seen. You've been quite verbal lately as if to tell me all that is going on that little mind of yours. I talk back to you and as if I could understand. We have some interesting conversations you and me..... :)

How is it that the sounds that are normally "taboo" amongst adults are just so cute I can hardly stand it coming from you? You'll let loose a burp I would swear came from a grown man and I just have to giggle. Wow..... I swear, you could just about do anything and I would think you hung the moon......

You think that sneezes are the funniest things. I've noticed these past couple of days that every time you sneeze you start to do your little laugh. Today as I was nursing you, I sneezed and you stopped to laugh. So stinking cute..... it brought tears to my eyes cause I just think you are adorable and I love you so much my little baby....

You are sleeping now and dead to the world......I miss you already. Sleep well my little baby boy....I can't wait to play with you tomorrow! :) Miss you.....

Love, your mommy

Happy Mother's Day to me!

May 13th....

My little boy,

My first mothers' day. Very exciting stuff. I still can't believe I get to be lucky enough to be your mom. What did I do to deserve this honor? I'm just a little scared that I won't be able to be the greatest mom in the world like you deserve. I mean, I'M the one who had the greatest mom in the world. There can't be two of those! How can I measure up to that? How can I be even half of what she is to me? It's a scary thought! But I've told her,,,,,at least I had the best example of what I need to be.

We had a fun day at Lake Lear in South Carolina with your Nana, Poppa and Nana nana and Poppa poppa. Whew! :) You had your first picnic and fell fast asleep....you were so adorable I just wanted to cry. Do you realize how much you make me cry with your sweetness? I get choked up all the time with how much I am infinitely in love with you. I'm so proud to be your mom.... thank you for the best first mother's day a girl could have....

Love, your mommy

We did it!

May 20th

Boo boo...

You view swaddling as a personal challenge. No matter how tightly I swaddle you, pretty much every time you manage to get one arm out. My little escape artist, eh? Grampa and Beth bought a Nature Sounds swing for you (it seemed the obvious choice since you love to be outside so much) and let me tell you, I would pay fifteen thousand dollars for this swing. You are so good about hanging out in it! Normally if I try to put you down for very long you very quickly suggest to us that you have another plan, but you like this swing. It has birds that circle overhead and there are choices about what sounds to accompany the birds (music, bird sounds, crickets, etc.); additionally it swings side to side or front to back. You seem to like the music and bird sounds quite a bit. You were a little fussy this morning and after I'd pulled out all the stops for you, I decided to give you a whirl in your swing. You gazed and cooed at the birds in flight for a long while, and have recently closed your eyes and are napping again. Fantastic!

Today is your five week birthday. Your Grampa is here visiting with his new wife Beth. We didn't do much to celebrate, just a romp in the park with your future dog friends Gabby and Max and you in my sling sound asleep. I sang you a rousing rendition of the birthday song that you didn't seem to fully appreciate, seeing as how you were crinkling up your face and occasionally letting out a shout of protest. I agree–aging can be tough, but it suits you.

Can I say that I am so completely and ecstatically proud of you? You made the 5 1/2 hour drive to your Nana nana and Poppa Poppa's house without so much as a peep on your part? Again I revert back to what I said earlier about God having a talk with you..... You were PERFECT!! Wow.....my little traveler...Good job! We took off and you slept like a dream for the first three hours...made a few sucking sounds that alerted me you were awake, and after I fed you you just kept yourself happy the remainder of the trip. How can I thank you enough? Have I told you lately how much I adore every precious bone in your body????

Your nana and poppa are so wonderful to you and so very attentive. They just can't get enough of you! Your nana just sings and sings to you and explains everything going on around you in the most fun high pitched way. You love it. You already know her voice and respond to it with the cutest faces. She is going to teach you soooo many things just like she has always done for me. And your poppa....he just loves you so very much! He is always looking for excuses to hold you. You are one lucky little man.... You are just going to be loved more than you will ever know what to do with! So look out buddy!

I love you so much....

Love, mommy

Precious Sleep

May 10th.....

Hi again, you gorgeous boy.

You are sleeping. I could stare at you forever. You are starting to smile, which is heartbreaking in its complete loveliness. I never imagined I could feel about anyone the way I feel about you. Every time I look at you, I am awestruck that something so amazing and perfect could come from flawed people. It is crazy…

You have the biggest feet my little boo. Every person who has ever met you has commented on what big feet and hands you have...and how actively you move! You move them all around, oftentimes holding your left hand out while you sleep as though you are waving to God. Sometimes your exaggerated startle reflex (which I have discovered is totally normal for newborns) attempts to wake you up by causing your arms to start with something of a jolt. It just makes me melt every time. I just love watching you....and sometimes I do until I'm half asleep myself.

We're heading out on your first car trip tomorrow to see your Nana and Poppa in South Carolina. I'm a little bit nervous of how you will be in the car all that time, but at the same time I know how good you are and I have a bit of a cocky confidence. I just think you're pretty much right up there with perfect! I swear, it's as if God picked you out of the babies in heaven and had a little talk with you asking you to go a little easy on me. Thank you for listening so well.... Sleep well my little love, my life.

Love, your mommy

Cinco de Wedding

May 5th....

Good morning, little munchkin (this is one of my favorite terms of endearment for you).

Your grampa just got married today. I can't believe it! He will be coming to see you soon with his new wife. I'm happy for them....I hope that they get to be a big part of your life.......

You love to be outside, munchkin. This morning when you woke up for your 4 am meal, I wrapped you up in your furry sleep blanket and took you outside on the front porch to listen to the gentle rain as you ate. It was beautiful. You are so smart–your eyes darted all around, maybe seeking some physical explanation for all the sounds you were hearing. You were so calm, eating and gazing, then, as the rain began to stop and the light of morning began to emerge, you drifted back to sleep. I watched you doze for a while, then took you back to bed. It was a perfect way to start the day, for me another moment of pure joy with my boy.

Last night I took you to Las Cebollas, a Mexican restaurant. While I was in the bathroom changing you (cause you had a nice blowout...:) , a lady just went nuts over you and made me take you to her table to show you off to her friends. You are so admired everywhere you go with that gorgeous head of hair that you have. Your Aunt Erica didn't want to put you down tonight....she loves you so much! See how loved you are?

I am so in love with you, kiddo. I hope you will always instinctively know how extremely loved you are, and never have to wonder where you fit in the world.

Love, your mommy

Our Discussion

May 4th....

My little buddy,

Well, last night you were not too excited to go to sleep–you slept a great deal of the afternoon–so the two of us sat out on the front porch, you wearing only a diaper, but swaddled in a blanket and me in my robe. We sat, gazing at the stars. You really seem to enjoy looking up, and as I watched your eyes I couldn't tell if you were checking out the shadows the light made on the window above us, or the stars. You are a very smart person, no doubt.

Anyway, as we sat I took the opportunity to teach you some of your very first purposeful life lessons. I told you all about how in the olden days–before lights were invented–people had to go sleep when the sun went down, unless what they were doing could be done by fire. We talked about the dangers of fire and asked him not to be accident prone like his uncle Joey. Next, we started to talk about how life changed after the light bulb was invented, pointing out all the different types of lighting we could see from our chair. This lead to a discussion about the difference between star-gazing in the city and in the country. Oh, we talked a little about the stars–I hope we can go out star-gazing together soon.

So then we started talking about how much we are going to read and sing together for many years to come, and how you are going to be someone so special in your life and touch so many people's lives with your sweetness. We're starting all these discussions early because it's important that you know how much your life is already planned out by God and how if you let Him, that it will be the most amazing life....I can't wait to watch it unfold...

You were a good, good listener. Eventually I started to sing to you, just making up a song about your sweetness and how much you are loved.

You are such a great kid, and I am so excited to watch you grow up. It is amazing to think about how much you've grown already. It's almost a little sad how quickly it's happening. Soon it will be your one month birthday!

We've had a nice morning so far. You are sleeping now, although you've been awake for several hours today and only recently fully succumbed to slumber. While I'd love to catnap with you, I am going to try and get caught up on some work I need to do. I'm missing you right now.... I love you

Love, Mommy

Two Week Growth Spurt

April 30th.....

Hey my little Rotor Rooter....

Are you hungry or what?? You know it Mr. Caden Alexander. As much as you're wanting the boob, all this feeding better be paying off! You haven't been gaining the wieght that you should as of yet....you just like to take your time with everything dont you?. Dr. Mishu said that you may be in a growth spurt, which would explain your ferocious appetite. Come on buddy....gain some weight!

Did I mention that you have a precious belly button? Although at this point it is difficult to determine if it is an innie or an outie.

You are so cute, doodle. Congratulations on your first growth spurt. Your mommy couldn't be any more proud. You are my world....

Love, Mommy

Bath Time

April 29th.....

Hi my little swimmer,

Last night we shared a BIG bonding moment–our first bath together! Be still my heart… After you projectile vomited/spit-up on me, I decided it was going to be bath day. I got you undressed and outfitted you in your little doggy towel, a charming addition to your wardrobe....

Anyway, I got into the tub and gently held on to you, anxious to see what you would think of the whole "bath experience." It's official–you totally adore bathing. I think the addition of your mommy to the water made it all the better for you (if I do say so myself) because you were just as relaxed as a boycould possibly be. I just held your head and your whole body just floated around the tub with a big smile planted on your face. It was heartwarming.

I am looking forward to more "new" experiences my little man..... I love you so much...

Love, Mommy

Watching You

April 27th...

Hi my little boo boo....

I just put you down for a nap. Watching you fall asleep is one of the newly discovered great joys of my life. You attack tiredness in much the same way you attack my boobs... no messing around. :) Your eyes get so heavy, almost red-rimmed with sleepiness, but your body wants to keep moving. Your eyes will flutter, and many times after they have surrendered to gravity they will suddenly shoot open. This scared the yahoo out of me the first couple of times it happened, but I've since gotten a little more used to it. While your eyes are shakin' and groovin', your lips are engaged in trying out various types of puckering. It is everything I can do not to wake you up as I plant kisses all over your beautiful face. You are the greatest, my baby.
The other thing that makes me happy beyond measure is that you seem to have a real fondness for music. Yea! Today you fell asleep to Mark Wills, and yesterday we were rockin' out to Coldplay and Avalon.

Nana left us this week and we are sad.....she is going to be so wonderful in your life pumpkin, and she loves you so much already! It's her birthday today! I'm sad that she is gone.....it feels a little lonely without her support, but we will make it just fine.

One last note, you now have lost both your circumcision ring AND your umbilical stump. Hip hip hooray! You are free! :) And beautiful...... I love you so much...

Love, mommy

I LOVE YOU

April 23rd.....

Hi buckaroo,

You are 8 days old today. I can't really believe it. In eight days you have learned that you love to be swaddled, are generally satisfied with having your diaper changed getting dressed, (thank God). You enjoy sleeping a great deal which makes mommy extremely happy and proud...especially cause its pretty much through the night...and are tentatively fond of bathing. Your first bath was a not so good experience for you as you screamed the whole time...., the second one was a huge success.

I have to say that so far we all faring okay as a little unit you and me... Sometimes you wake up once in the night around 4am, but as tired as I thought I would be before you got here, I am relatively wide awake and in awe of your sweet face. Nothing else matters..... and I cherish those quiet times with you in my arms. All in all I'd have to say that you are a much better baby than others I've heard about. You tend to either sleep about three hours and then wake up to eat (mainly during the day) or you want to sleep five or six hours at a stretch. The first time this happened I felt wretchedly guilty, as though I was depriving you of much needed nutrition by letting you sleep so long. I have since come to my senses– I am the luckiest person on the planet to have a newborn who loves to snooze so dearly.

I was watching you breastfeed today and it made me teary-eyed. You look so totally peaceful and lovely when you are eating (except when you are snorting out of a piggish fury to Get More Food, also charming). I was thinking how breastfeeding is the closest out-of-the-womb connection we have to one another. Once breastfeeding is over, the connections we will have to one another will be emotional or physical, but in entirely different, somewhat less substantive types of ways (i.e. holding hands before crossing the street, hugging away a hurt). This is it for physical reliance. It's absurd that I'm envisioning the end of something I love so much. I think it scares me to consider the passage of time with you. I want to be able to keep every experience I have with you real forever, never having to store away anything as a memory. And yet…
Just to let you know, when you are waking up, you stretch like a cat, arching your back in the cutest way and making a show of throwing you arms over your head in deep stretches. You yawn about 5 times with your mouth as wide as can be and then stretch some more. It melts my heart.

One more thing, I love you. I just love you so much it makes my heart hurt..... Thank you for saving my life.....you make my life complete.

Love, mommy

My Perfect Baby

April 21st....

Good morning my little man...

Did you know that you are the most gorgeous, perfect child that was ever born?You are beautiful, fantastic, and simply astonishing in every single way. I can honestly say that I have never had the privilege of falling in love so completely or so rapidly until you arrived. Thank you for the best experience of my life.

Love, Mommy

You're finally here!

April 19th.....
I can't quit staring at you, my precious, precious child. It is amazing to think about these last few days , all that has happened, all the emotions that I have gone through, all the ways that you have changed already and all the ways that you have changed me..... Those first few days in the hospital I would cry when they would take you from me, and then sob when they brought you back cause I was so happy to see you. Do you know how happy I am that you are mine?
Here are a few of my thoughts about being your mommy...

1) I've never felt more full or self-satisfied;

2) You make these funky little gestures that make me weakin the knees, i.e. when you're sleeping you furrow your eyebrows, frown and smack your precious lips and make perfect noises. You could weaken the most hardened of people.

3) I could spend the rest of my days just staring at you, watching you learn about the world around you. I have spent a tremendous amount of time just gazing at you, watching you shake your little hands, sleep with your little hands clasped together in the cutuest way and raise your eyebrows while you're dreaming; And when you wake up....that's a whole different thing that makes me melt....

4) You were worth every ache and pain of pregnancy/delivery. I loved being pregnant with you munchkin....you fascinated me every moment.

5) You have the sweetest disposition. I feel so lucky to be near you and your sweetness.

6) You have allowed me to give my parents the greatest gift I could ever bestow them–the joy of being your grandparents. They are desperately, totally in love with you and I can't wait for you to know them! You will gain such knowledge and wisdom being in their very presence.

So there you are my little man.... Thank you for being the perfect little boythat you are, and for providing another reason for me to wake up every morning Having my close friends and family here for your birth was a gift that I will cherish always. I have said all along that you are lucky for having a built-in support system, and that was certainlyproven the day you came into the world.

I love you and I can't wait for you to wake up again so I can love you up real tight!

Love, your mommy