Robert A. Meyer (April 19, 1922 - March 12, 2009)

I know it's been almost a month since I have written but it has been a bit of an emotional month and I have to say that I've had extreme writer's block. Soo much to say, but no motivation to get it out. So now....I think I'm ok and ready to be back...

My Papa passed away very unexpectedly a few weeks ago and it was a big shock to everybody. My Nana is the one who has been sick for quite awhile and we have thought we were losing her a few times, but to lose HIM threw everyone off a bit. So, so sad..... He went into the hospital for a treatment and then ended up with a raging blood infection that his body just couldn't fight. Thankfully my mom was able to fly from Australia and get there in time to be with him and the family before he passed. I'll never forget the day when she called me and said "I'm going to put the phone up to his ear so that you can say goodbye. He can't talk to you, and we're not positive he understands, but say what you need to because there isn't much time." OH MY GOSH! How do you DO THAT??? I mean...you have seconds to process what you've just heard, and then seconds to form the words of goodbye? Talk about PANIC! Somehow my words just flowed, but I felt nauseous.....knowing that it was last time he would hear my voice just made me so sad.....I wish I could have heard HIS.

Caden and I flew out for the funeral and stayed for a week to be with my family. Until I walked into the church for the funeral and saw the slideshow of pictures portraying him and our family together the reality of what had happened hadn't hit me yet. Boy did it then..... I couldn't stop crying....crying...crying.... I had such a vast array of emotions that I didn't know how to hold back. The only thing that kept me from just sobbing was the fact that I had to sing. I just kept telling myself that every few seconds...."calm down, you have to sing...calm down" BOY WAS THAT TOUGH TO DO! I thought I would be fine up there...thought I would be able to control myself just fine, but I barely could get through both of my songs. It was by far the hardest performance of my life.

I didn't get to have the closest relationship with my Nana and Papa....Things were difficult and I always felt a little hurt and rejected. I was so sad for years and finally talked with them about some things about a year ago...just spilled my heart about how I felt. I've felt like since then things had been sooooo much better and closer. It was such a relief....I guess I just feel now that I missed so much....so much that I can never get back. I'm glad to know though that I will see him again, and that is something that comforts me.

As I was getting ready to leave for Kansas for the funeral, I was flowing with words that I wanted to say to him.... Words that I felt were encouragement to all of us that are left behind. I definitely felt like God was guiding my pen and it was an emotional experience for me writing this. Even more emotional trying to read it....
I want to share what I wrote for my Papa. If it can comfort even one person who has lost a loved one than I am thrilled.



FOR PAPA

Today you are having a different day than we are. As I put on my black dress this morning I thought about how you are dressed in white. As I shed tears of sorrow I know that you are shedding tears of joy. As I think of all the questions that I know we all struggle with today, I remember that all of your questions are gone. As I stand here now, I remember that you are not here. You are in Heaven with Jesus.

You are not watching your funeral...you are not thinking of death...You are more alive today than you ever have been before. You have shed the pain and sorrow of this world forever. That is a reason to rejoice for sure! :) The Bible says that you have your own mansion and you are probably getting the grand tour as I am reading this!

Like the final piece of the puzzle, you fit.... You are doing exactly what God created you to do. I just know that you are really good at it. You are known and loved and understood and cared about as only God can guarantee. When we meet you again we will know in an instant what we don't know now....why this had to be the way it is...and you will hug us like we've never been hugged before.

I know you are happy with a bliss beyond what our human minds can understand. The Bible says that "Our eyes have never seen and our ears have never heard..." It makes me happy to imagine the surprises you are discovering right now.

I know you were an honest man....a man of great character and integrity. I know you always helped your family and friends whenever they needed help. You were a wonderful example of true love and faithfulness.....for that I will always be in awe... You had to do quite a bit right because you gave me the most wonderful mom a girl could ask for....and the most wonderful family.

I wish I could have known you more on a deeper level. I wish we could have sat in a porch swing one evening and talked meaningfully with each other. I know I could have learned so much more from you. I missed alot by missing alot of you life and I'm not sure I totally realized it as much as I do now.

So...I'd finally like to say... Thank You. Thank you for your strength. Thank you for holding on...for living so that your life could continue through all of us that follow you. And thank you for being the kind of man who left a mark on people's lives....Who touched the world and made it better with his own. May our footsteps be as courageous and honest...May our lives be your legacy....and may we make you proud that we are those who called you "Papa."

I will miss you...I love you..., Tiffany

P.S. We will NOT miss your pop quizzes... :)



Thanks for giving me my blue eyes.....Yours will forever be the prettiest blue eyes EVER though.....