Weighted Down

Sometimes it is just really hard to be excited to start the day. Life can be so stressful.... I have soooo much to be thankful for, don't get me wrong.... I have the most wonderful family, amazing friends and a job that I enjoy immensely, but at times the stress of things can overwhelm me to the point that I feel like I'm drowning. There are a few things that seem to always be there....tugging at my thoughts and causing me some bit of discomfort....always. I wish I knew how to let them go. I wish I could just not worry for one whole day.

Money is always a worry. Always. It's so hard to try to work from home with a little one and actually accomplish as much as I could without a baby in tow. I can't ever seem to get ahead with everything else that needs to be done....and I HAVE to. I have to bring in money to pay for things.....It's always a stress. Thank God for my family that has helped me when I've needed it. They will never know how grateful I truly am. Things are getting better now as business is really picking up, but I'm always worried from month to month how I'm going to make it. Life is soooo darnn expensive. I feel like I'm dishing out money left and right for everything. Raising a child is not cheap...that's for sure!!

Decisions.....I feel like I have tough decisions to make in certain areas of my life and I seem to be in such turmoil and confusion about them. I know I just need to trust God about them more than I do.....about everything...and it will be ok....but for now, I just feel the weight.

Another thing that is always heavy on my heart is that I miss my best friend Ian. I miss him so much.... We haven't spoken for over a year now and I still don't even know why. Something happened and he just hasn't wanted to communicate and it has absulutely torn me apart. I guess that just just happens sometimes in life with friends, but I would have bet my ENTIRE life that it wouldn't have happened to us. No way. We have been friends my whole life....best friends....and now, during the time I need him the most....during the time I want to share my life with him the most, he is gone. There is not a day that goes by that he is not missed, that he is not needed. I just don't know how to fix it....or just to let him go. He has too much of my heart...and it my heart just aches for him every day.

I know everyone battles their stresses and heartaches all the time. I am by all means not the only one. Life can be challenging, stressful and full of pain, but it can also be an amazing adventure and a blessing. I'm trying to focus on that more than feeling weighted down by the other. I need to let God carry the burdens for me and try not to carry it all on my own. That's so hard to do sometimes but I'm learning. I look forward to the day when I feel a little more free....a little more happy...and maybe heal some parts that are broken in my life.