Saturday, January 31, 2009

I Want, I Want, I Want

Maybe it's because I have an almost 2 year old who is very in touch with his wants.

Maybe it's because living on one income is so hard that knowing I will be making money now makes me feel rich.

Maybe it's because after working so hard, for so long, we deserve some nice things.

Maybe it's none of this, and just the stress of life is pointing me toward things. Things. Lots of things.

It's been a juggle, a hassle, a major panic attack to walk the line of saving and spending. Of needs and wants. Of this and that.

What's harder is that if I enter a store for say, diapers, I see the little boy's clothes clearance rack, then I think about how two pair of shoes isn't enough, or how he needs some summer clothes when it is months away from that time.

Then, I remember that I need printer ink, so I head to that part of the store easily getting sidetracked by my love of home decor.....ah....I could browse for hours.... But, it brings me closer to the toys, where I think I might FINALLY find a toy that my almost 2 year old will play with. I scour each shelf, high and low, wanting so many things but knowing there is no way...can't do it. Maybe some when he turns 2.

I sneak out past the home and garden section, where I long to buy more storage bins to feel more organized and less cluttered. And that reminds me that we need this and that for the garage and I just start practically running away..

I fly past the food, only going back a second later to remember to pick up that easy-to-fix dinner item that Caden, hopefully, will eat tonight. Hot dogs. Chicken tenders. Cheese sticks. Then, I rush past the snacks trying to grab just one more healthier-but-easier snack for those after naptime hunger blues.

By the time I make my entire circumference around the store, which started all because we were down to one last freakin' diaper, I usually have a full cart. So, I swing into the make-up and beauty section, examine my goods, and toss out what I know I don't need right now. Diapers? Yes. Hot dogs? Yes. Paper towels? Yes. More clothes for Caden? No.

As I load what's left onto the moving belt, I realize that I've probably just saved us a nice chunk of cash by impulse shopping, but with a final once-over.

But then the verdict is in: The bill is 80-something dollars.

If this isn't a vicious cycle, I'm not sure what is.

Why is life so expensive? And why can't I go out and but a few clothes without feeling guilty? I can't remember the last time I shopped for myself but I want to sad badly I can't stand it. Someday......someday I hope I won't want so many WANTS..... :)

3 comments:

Daniel said...

Seriously I think I had this exact conversation with myself a billion times the last few years. We buy clothes for ourselves on Christmas and birthdays.... ugh. I long for the day where I can see a cute pair of shoes and just pick them up because.... or a top I can't live without even if I'm only going to wear it once. Oh well. Such is the life with kids. Wouldn't trade em for a whole closet full!!!

Anonymous said...

You're not alone, my friend! I only get new clothes when my mom's in town and she takes me shopping! It will only get harder as our babies get older and more expensive. It's worth it, though, right?

Anonymous said...

Maybe when the kids are 18 and on their own, I can finally buy something for myself....But then you remember, Oh they will be in college and, most likely, asking for money still. LOL