Baseball Maybe?

My dear little man,

So....you are quite a little stinker at your little Mothers Day Out apparantly. The ladies that watch you were telling me that when they put you down to sleep they heard this "PING!" and didn't know what in the world it could be. Well, you had pitched your pacifier out of your crib and hit the crib next to yours. They were quite surprised, picked it up and gave it back to you. One minute later, "PING!" You hit it again. Let me clarify...this other crib was about 3 feet away. You were not just dropping your paci, you were PITCHING it. They said this went on about 6 times until you finally fell asleep. They said it was a game with you.... You are too funny. You've got quite an arm apparantly!! I see that more and more as you play with balls.....you LOVE balls. Your dad bought a big bag of 100 balls for you at Walmart and boy do you love them! You already really seem to get the concept of catching a ball and throwing it back. It amazes me. What are you going to love to play? Tennis like your daddy? Baseball? Football? Soccer? Basketball? I'm so interested to find out.

You have taken to yelling after dinner. You are a successful little eater, but as soon as you are done you just start hollering. I can’t imagine what brings that on and I don’t know what to do,as you're not upset, so most of the time I just start yelling with you. As the saying goes, if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. You think it’s pretty amusing when we’re in chorus. Maybe since you hum all the way through eating, you are just predisposed to hum louder upon completion. I do sometimes hope that you will not hum your way through all the many meals of your life. And, I hope you don’t expect me to yell with you when we are out in public. Some things are for home life only. :)

In other news, you have mastered the High Five!! Your daddy taught you that and you are quite the pro now. You get completely amused too..... It's so cute!!

I have always sung the song "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands" and the other day you actually started clapping yourself just like me!!! It was the cutest thing ever. I caught it on tape and this is one of my favorite videos so far....Here it is!!



You have been sick these past few days...not really sick, just your first good bout of congestion. You sound awful and your nose won't stop running. Sleeping has been a little more difficult during this time and your crying has broken my heart. I can't wait til this clears up. I've been sick too and it hasn't helped one bit. We'll get better soon. I love you my boo boo. So much my heart aches.....
Feel better little one

Love, Mommy
Love

Lil' Mexican Jumping Bean

Boy does he love this thing! He never wants to stop jumping!!!

Watching him grow

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Today has had me a little choked up. My little guy is crawling!!!! Actually crawling!! Now that should invoke extreme excitement right??? Don't get me wrong....it has!!......I'm thrilled... You should see me cheering him on! I'm like my own cheerleading team rolled into one! (Now THAT'S a scary thought) :) It's just that I see him growing up even faster RIGHT before my eyes, learning more and more every day, and it just makes me tear up a little because I just don't want these moments to go away. They are too precious. HE is too precious. My gosh, his little butt in the air trying to move along the ground and crawl around it just the cutest thing I've ever seen. I mean seriously....it made me cry today!! He is just soooooo stinkin cute!! He just wants to do sooo much. I can just see it in his eyes....his brain just never stops workin overtime and his limbs follow suit. He is a busy boy. I'm in for a serious workout when he starts really booking it.

I just love that little man with every breath in my body and it scares me a little to think about not having him in this stage RIGHT NOW. How could I love him more? And then he grows, and I love him even more than the day before. How is that possible? My heart overflows..........and I'm already missing him tonight. I'm missing who he was today. And tomorrow night I will do the same.... Each day is a tiny little loss for the baby that he is becoming less of, and each day brings excitement for the little boy that he is slowly turning out to be. Oh the agony and joy of being a mother. It all finally makes sense.... Ok, so I'll stop being all sappy and emotional and show you all a video I took this morning of Caden crawling. He doesn't have it down to an art yet....he kinda does this little "hopping thing" (which of course melts me to the core) but a few more days and he'll be a pro!!

My Mother's Day Out

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My sweet little guy,

Gosh I keep getting so far behind in writing! You sure keep me busy little guy! I feel like I never stop!! You are a non-stop groovin machine!! And because of that......I've needed a tiny bit of a break so I have started a "Mother's Day Out Program." Most local churches offer this program for stay at home moms to have a little bit of a break every week to get things done ie shopping, cleaning, personal things. I on the other hand, would mainly need it for work. I just can't seem to get it all done!!! I'm tired of being up til midnight every night trying to catch up, and being exhausted the next day because of it. Its been a vicious cycle for awhile now and I knew that something was going to have to give, so that you could have the full, awake ME... :) I heard about this program and I was so relieved. For two days a week, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I can take you to this church program from 9-2 and I can be free to do what I need to! When I went to check this place out I was soooo relieved. What an awesome place!! There were murals all over the walls, fun kids stuff, and an environment of happiness. The people there made me feel comfortable from the moment I walked in (THANK GOD) and I was immediately put at ease. I had really stressed about leaving you with people I didn't know......and when I met the two women in your infant room I just loved them. This was going to be a good thing for both of us!! So....this last Thursday, you went for the first time. I dropped you off at 9am, choked the tears back as I walked away and came back home. It was SOOOO wierd being back home without you. That hasn't happened since you were born! It just felt strange. I kept thinking you were taking a nap or something. I missed you so much. I jumped into my work though, and the hours just flew by. I couldn't believe how much I accomplished in those five hours. More than I usually do in a week! I was THRILLED!!! I only called once to check on you, and you were sleeping. Good!! I went to pick you up and you were asleep again, right on schedule. They were so impressed with how good you were, and how much of a "clockwork" baby you are...right on schedule with everything! They loved how you were such a good eater, and how attentive you were!

I had told the ladies watching you that you weren't crawling quite yet, but that you maneuvered yourself around pretty well, and they said "Give him a few days, and after watching some of these other babies crawling, he will be too." Well......that VERY NIGHT....you wanted something and started PULLING yourself across the floor! You were definitely doing something different!! I was so amazed!! I caught some of it on video......here it is....



So that was Thursday..... Today is Monday, and you just crawled for the VERY FIRST TIME!! You just got your little knees up, stuck that little booty in the air and took off for like 10 feet!! It was soooo awesome!! I ran to get the video camera, but of course you wouldn't do it again.... BUMMER!! I'll catch you sometime this week. I'm sure tomorrow you will get plenty more pointers from the other babies!! IF we end up going.....You didn't feel so hot today. I think you might be getting a cold? You were up alot last night, and sounded really congested. Today your little nose was running...awe.... :( and you were quite fussy. NOT an easy day. We'll see what tomorrow brings. I love you my sweetness.....Sleep better tonight ok????

Love, Mommy

Your New Thing

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My dear goober,

You are such a silly little guy. I seriously wake up every morning wondering what new and amazing things you are going to do, and in what ways you are going to make me laugh. Well this is the new one. You started doing it in Sams one night as you were being whisked around in the cart. It was sooooo funny. Now you do it all the time....even when I'm changing your diaper. Not sure what this is exactly, or why you do it, but I was trying to get you on video and I caught a little bit.

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I'm so glad you make me laugh and I hope you always do. I love you my little silly one....

Love, Mommy

Before I was a Mom

I just got this in an email that was forwarded to me and it was just amazing how exactly right on these words were. This is how I feel completely.....

Before I was a Mom
> > >
> > > I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby
> > >
> > > I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous.
> > >
> > > I never thought about immunizations.
> > >
> > >
> > > Before I was a Mom -
> > >
> > > I had never been puked on.
> > >
> > > Pooped on.
> > >
> > > Chewed on.
> > >
> > > Peed on.
> > >
> > > I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts.
> > >
> > > I slept all night.
> > >
> > >
> > > Before I was a Mom
> > >
> > > I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests.
> > >
> > > Or give shots.
> > >
> > > I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
> > >
> > > I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
> > >
> > > I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
> > >
> > >
> > > Before I was a Mom
> > >
> > > I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put him
> > > down.
> > >
> > > I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop
> > > the hurt.
> > >
> > > I never knew that
> > > something so small could affect my life so much.
> > >
> > > I never knew that I could love someone so much.
> > >
> > > I never knew I would love being a Mom.
> > >
> > >
> > > Before I was a Mom -
> > >
> > > I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
> > >
> > > I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
> > >
> > > I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
> > >
> > > I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important
> > > and happy.
> > >
> > >
> > > Before I was a Mom -
> > >
> > > I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to
> > > make sure all was okay.
> > >
> > > I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache,
> > >
> > > the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
> > >
> > > I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.
> > >

Being a mom is the greatest pleasure and joy that I have ever experienced. I'm so thankful that I was chosen to be the mommy for Caden. What an honor!!!!

My own little Seinfeld character

Hello my boo boo....

So pretty much from the beginning there has been one person that you have been compared to on a regular basis. Someone you resemble in a very specific way. A person that pretty much everyone is familiar with..... I'm not really sure why...maybe these pictures will shed some light? Hehehehe :)






I've got my own little KRAMER!! :) It's just been sooooo funny how many times I have heard that. Your hair is just famous my dear. Extremely famous. Always the first thing out of stranger's mouths..... "Look at that hair!!" It is just getting longer and longer and more out of control. I'm not quite sure what to do with it....but I adore it sooooo much :)



Well, my little "Kramer Caden"....I love you!!!!

Love, Mommy

It's Official....You've Got Teeth!!!

My little man,

Your mommy has been soooooooo busy that she hasn't had time to write to you lately. I'm so sorry. I should never let anything stop me from doing what I love best...and thats writing to you...but life can be overwhelming at times...You'll learn that someday. Thank God that won't be for a very, very long time. I hope you get to be a "kid" for as long as possible.

Anyway....It's been almost two weeks now, but YOU have teeth!!!!!! Finally!!!! I noticed the first one for the very first time on New Year's Day. What a way to start the new year!! It is your bottom tooth....I could feel the corner poking through and I was so excited! Last week the one beside it started through too. So now you have TWO!! I haven't really gotten to see them though. Every once in awhile when you laugh really hard I can spot them briefly but you REFUSE to let me look at them. I try to move your lip to take a peek and you act like a mad cat just spitting and moaning away. Geez!! I just want to look for a second! It's HILARIOUS.... You DO NOT want me to take a peek at those things. What is it about trying to touch a childs mouth, nose, eyes??? You'd think you were trying to give them a shot or something!!!! My goodness!!! You are tooo funny.

You are still not crawling, but you manage to maneuver yourself around just fine by rolling and scooting. You really just want to walk. That seems to be ALL you can think about right now. I swear you are going to bypass the whole crawling thing and just take off any day now. You ALWAYS want to be standing. Always. You are probably standing a majority of your waking time now. I can't get you to sit anymore! I try to sit you down and you are as still as a board. I mean seriously,,,you wont bend. You spend alot of time holding on to the ottoman and playing with toys standing up. It's so funny, but frustrating at times when I just really need you to sit. Just take your time buddy! You'll be walking for many many years....Enjoy the time you don't have to!! :) Your mommy STILL prefers to sit on the floor sometimes. :)

You are talking more than ever, trying out all sorts of different sounds. It's just the cutest thing ever....Music to my ears. I just can't WAIT til I can actually carry on conversations with you. I can't even imagine all the adorable things that will come out of your mouth. I just know that I will be constantly laughing.... Not AT you.....just in joy of the cuteness of you. You are just too cute....and I can't imagine you being any cuter, but I know you will be!!

It's now almost midnight and I'm beat, but I have much more to add tomorrow!! I love you sweetheart. You are my world......

Love, Mommy

HAPPY NEW YEAR!! ( A week late) :)

I can't believe it’s already 2008?! How is it possible? We are usually at Copper Mountain for all the festivities that take place, but this year it was sooooo cold so we just stayed in, played games, watched the movie Ratatouille (SOOOO Cute!) and of course, our family tradition, banged pots and pans in the middle of the street at midnight!!! Hehehehe....That was hilarious. Someday I think Caden will really enjoy that. :) Just one year ago we were at Copper Mountain and was 5 months pregnant....

2007 has been quite a year with many milestones, many tears and uncertainty, but also proud accomplishments. It marked the end of a successful, full term pregnancy that I actually really enjoyed. (I MISS being pregnant!!!) I actually never felt better!!! Til the end of course.....ohhhh the back....and of course Caden's love for my RIBS, where you jammed his foot as often as possible. :) He decided to make his entry into my world on April 15th.....TAX DAY!! THis year I have conquered a few sleepless nights, many yellow runny blowout diapers, vaccinations, a few fevers, teething, and too many joyful moments with Caden to even begin to name. I've discovered that I am made of A LOT and can do anything I put my mind to...Sticking with breastfeeding when I wanted to quit because it hurt so much those first two months, treasuring those special bonding moments, and feeling accomplished having made it to 9 weeks A first 4th of July, first beach trip to see Uncle Matty, first trip to Oregon to see Uncle Joey and Aunt Desiree, first Halloween, first trip to Mexico to meet his grandparents, first Thanksgiving to North Dakota to see Gramma and Grampa Aga, and first Christmas with Nana and Poppa in Beautiful Colorado.

A year of amazement at how fast time goes and how fast he grows with it. I just want to freeze time and yet it seems to be speeding up even faster. More new things....A new office change for me in joining a "team". Me coloring my hair my natural color for the first time ever!! Gabby and Max having puppies! Me starting to write more than ever and loving it.... And being more BROKE than ever! :) In short? It’s been a year that I define as a year that has shown what we are made of. I've had a lot on my plate, and yet, with God's help and all my friends, I've done it all quite well. I’m proud of this year. Let’s hope this coming year is even better!

If you are like me, I am not a huge fan of New Year’s resolutions. I tart ‘cringing’ at the word ‘Resolution’. And I do make resolution lists, but find calling them ‘Goals’, works better for me in the longrun, and I can stick to my list longer, without feeling like such a failure by giving up two weeks later, as the New Year has just begun. Last night I began thinking about what I would like to be different or help make next year a better year for me and my family.

1.)Personally, I really want to get to church more often....It hasn't been very easy since Caden was born, and I hate to have people I don't know watch him, but I need to get over it and just go. It's too important not to.

2.)Of course, the usual goal of working out. I definitely need to get rid of this post-baby belly flab!!! It's driving me CRAZY!!!

3.) Take more walks and longer ones, not just around the block, but a real walk. And take the dogs along.....they need that extra attention.


4.) One thing I really enjoy is reading, and when I was younger, you would always find me with a book in hand. Now with my busy days, it is soo hard to even get a gook in every couple months. I am making it one of my goals to read at least one book a month.

5.) Be more organized. I can dream can’t I!! I’d like to try and keep my desk cleaned off, my house dust free, and my InBox with less than 500 emails.

6.) In the coming year, I would like to create a financial monthly budget in alternative income. Who knows in what, but I'll figure out something!!


Here’s to another year of growth, love, and writing. Happy New Year!!! Here is our year in pictures:

All Diapers are NOT Created Equal

Before I had Caden I had NO clue about the different types of diapers that were available....There were so many different kinds to choose from! The choices can be overwhelming to a new parent. Are all diapers the same? Are the brand names actually that much better than the store brands? Is there a standard sizing that is used on all diapers? How do I know which ones are the best for my needs? A diaper is a diaper is a diaper right???? Uh...WRONG!!!

I had received several different types of diapers as baby shower gifts before the big day... I figured they were all the same thing basically. I mean, why would they sell a diaper that was awful right? I couldn't have been more wrong. How you did I find this out??? DIAPER BLOWOUTS!!! And boy have I had my share....just when I attempt to try a different kind....WHAM! There goes the poo up the back!! :) hehehehe... I have tried many different diapers and discovered, that no, all diapers are definitely not the same. I have tried to pinch my pennies as much as possible with the diapers.....surely they are the same right? It's only the name they are selling!! Right? I tried the Walmart brand...(the WORST of them all in my opinion)...the Sam's Brand....(probably the same thing just named differently)....the Target Brand.....LUVS......HUGGIES...(AWFUL!!!!!)....and nothing comes even close to working as brilliantly as Pampers. I'd spent 100 dollars more to always know that I never have to worry about taking him anywhere and have an embarrassing blowout like in this picture when he was a month old. His first big blowout...... on the day I was taking him to the park to meet his other baby friends from my childbirth class. Everyone was dressed so cute...and so was he...BEFORE "IT" happened. I was shocked and unprepared as a new mom, so our "group" picture ended up looking like I was some redneck chick with the naked baby....LOVELY... A few more of those and I was through with the Walmart diapers!!




So!! I say Pampers is the BEST!!! I've tried many other kinds and it's always something.... Poo up the back, pee out the sides....you name it, We've experienced it!! Oh the joys of motherhood.....:)

I still laugh at one trip I had taken to go see my mom in South Carolina. Caden had fallen asleep in his carseat. When he woke up and I was trying to get him out I couldn't figure out why he was so wet! Ewwwwwwwww! He was COVERED in poo.... Lots and lots of squishy pooooo..... Oh dear God.... I ran to start the bath, as it was not the kind you could just "wet wipe" up.... I was getting the bath ready as my mom tried taking his clothes off. AND THAT'S ANOTHER THING!!!! How in the HECK do you get a child's clothes off when they are covered in CRAP??? Should this be another Olympic Event???? I mean seriously....the poo is smeared alllll up the back of their outfit. How in the WORLD do you get it off without smearing it all over their hair and everywhere else? Takes a pro I tell you....and I was not quite there yet... :) ANYWAY....we attempted to get the outfit off, I was manning the tub and my mom brings him to me smeared in POOOOO and holds him inches from my face saying "Here...take him." Well I start gagging.... I mean, really gagging.... She's laughing and saying "Tiffany! You can't gag! He's your son!" And I say...."I don't care WHO he is! There is POOP two inches from my face!!" We laughed so hard.... What a memorable STINKY moment.... :)

Anyway....enough about POOP...:) We have made it home safely from our Colorado trip...We got in late last night...and as usual, Caden was a PERFECT ANGEL. Gosh I am the luckiest mommy on earth....

I have soooooo much to say, but it is 1am and I am EXHAUSTED!! I have a crazy, busy day tomorrow but hopefully I can write more soon!!!

Caden's First Christmas!!

HEllo my little elf,

YOU ARE TOOOOOO CUTE!!! I can't stop saying that this Christmas week...You have been adorable!! So here we are, up at the condo in Frisco, Colorado right near Breckenridge, Keystone, Arapahoe Basin and Copper Mountain!! It is your VERY first Christmas!! Woo hoo!!! That's some exciting stuff!!! I can't ever think of a better place to spend this holiday than right here nestled in the middle of gorgeous mountains watching the snow fall in huge flakes all around us.

SNOW!!! You've gotten to see it for the first time, touch it for the first time and EAT it for the first time! (Just always remember, never eat YELLOW snow! :) ) You seem to be quite happy outside in the chilly air. We've gone out for a few walks through the park and down the streets of Frisco. You've been all bundled up as "snug as a bug in a rug", and you seem to LOVE it!! I've been paranoid that you aren't warm enough, but you seem to be quite content,....even more so outside!! You even take your naps in the cold! You amaze me more every day at how much of a trooper you are! My goodness....you are just perfect!!




We've been giving you your baths in the kitchen sink....you are almost too big now!! Your Aunt Desi snapped some cute pics of you...




Both your Uncles have been here, Uncle Matty, and Uncle Joey. You seem just mesmerized with them and they are so cute with you. It's been great having them around. Even your Aunt Desiree was here to see you!! We've had alot of fun with them for sure!!



So.....After our little "incident" at the airport last week we got on the plane and had to make two different stops before we made it to Denver. YOU were a perfect angel. Thank you baby!!! :) I just couldn't believe how good you did...not a peep out of you all day. I must have done something REALLY good that week to deserve such perfection from a baby on a plane. Caden.....you really are the best baby I have ever known or seen. How did I get so lucky???

Your Nana picked us up from the airport.....You were SO happy to see her! It had been about two months since you'd seen your Nana and Poppa last, so it was a very exciting reunion. We headed up the mountain, enjoying all the sites along the way, and got settled into the condo and watched some snow fall down, and some neat icicles hanging across the street. It always feels like home up here to me. I hope that you will love the mountains as much as your mommy, and all the fun they have to offer from snow skiing, to sledding, to rock climbing and hiking....There are always endless possibilities and their beauty is absolutely breathtaking.

I always suffer a little altitude sickness the first few days I get here. I never knew there was such a thing while I was living here! People always whined about it, but I just thought they were being wimpy or something. Oh no! It's a REAL thing! I feel like I can't BREATH the first day or so.....I was really worried about you as we made the trek up the mountain, and unfortunately you DID suffer a little of the same sickness the first couple days. Poor boo.... I'm soo sorry. You just weren't quite yourself those first two days, but now you seem quite adjusted and as happy as can be! Whew!

We've spent our days playing games, eating, relaxing by the fire, and taking walks in the snow. I'ts been GREAT. We even got to go down the mountain and see your Gramma and Grampa!! It was a short visit, but it was so nice to see them again!

Your first Christmas....Wow....It just makes me think of all I've been through this last year. You have changed my life, and it amazes me the understanding and sacrifices that I have already begun to learn as a parent. And more than that, at this time of year, I am reminded even stronger of the TRUE reason of Chrismas and the TRUE sacrifice that God gave when he sent His son here to earth to die. I can't say I could have been that strong at all. We went to a really nice Christmas Eve service at a local church here in town. The pastor was telling a story of the ultimate sacrifice and it moved me deeply. It helped me understand even more what God felt like. Here is the story:

"There was once a bridge that spanned a large river. During most of the day the bridge sat with its length running up and down the river paralleled with the banks, allowing ships to pass through freely on both sides of the bridge. But at certain times each day, a train would come along and the bridge would be turned sideways across the river, allowing the train to cross it.

A switchman sat in a shack on one side of the river where he operated the controls to turn the bridge and lock it into place as the train crossed.

One evening as the switchman was waiting for the last train of the day to come, he looked off into the distance through the dimming twilight and caught sight of the train lights. He stepped onto the control and waited until the train was within a prescribed distance. Then he was to turn the bridge. He turned the bridge into position, but, to his horror, he found the locking control did not work. If the bridge was not securely in position, it would cause the train to jump the track and go crashing into the river. This would be a passenger train with MANY people aboard.

He left the bridge turned across the river and hurried across the bridge to the other side of the river, where there was a lever switch he could hold to operate the lock manually.

He would have to hold the lever back firmly as the train crossed. He could hear the rumble of the train now, and he took hold of the lever and leaned backward to apply his weight to it, locking the bridge. He kept applying the pressure to keep the mechanism locked. Many lives depended on this man's strength.

Then, coming across the bridge from the direction of his control shack, he heard a sound that made his blood run cold.

"Daddy, where are you?" His four-year-old son was crossing the bridge to look for him. His first impulse was to cry out to the child, "Run! Run!" But the train was too close; the tiny legs would never make it across the bridge in time..

The man almost left his lever to snatch up his son and carry him to safety. But he realized that he could not get back to the lever in time if he saved his son.

Either many people on the train or his own son - must die.

He took but a moment to make his decision. The train sped safely and swiftly on its way, and no one aboard was even aware of the tiny broken body thrown mercilessly into the river by the on rushing train. Nor were they aware of the pitiful figure of the sobbing man, still clinging to the locking lever long after the train had passed. They did not see him walking home more slowly than he had ever walked; to tell his wife how their son had brutally died."

Just like this story, so many people are oblivious of what God did for us, and we walk around trying to do everything on our own. If only we would give it all to God a little more? As we walked down the street that crisp evening with all the beautiful Christmas lights I breathed several words of thanks for you, and for my life. I'm one lucky mommy. :) We opened lots of fun presents the next morning, and had a blast watching you tear into some of the wrapping paper. You especially liked the bows and ribbon!! It's been a perfect Christmas. :)





I find that I can barely remember what my life was like without you. You are only now eight months old and I feel like these last few months have been simultaneously the longest and shortest periods I’ve ever experienced in my life. On one hand I am amazed that you are growing so fast and barely have time to enjoy one moment to the next before it changes, while on the other I am so excited to see you grow up and learn about your world that I almost can’t sleep at night! You've been sleeping with me since we've been here and its been sweet to wake up to you softly cooing or dreaming or KICKING! :)and to realize that you are no longer a figment of my childhood dreams, but a living breathing human being lying next to me. It all feels so surreal. I feel like you has always been there waiting for your time to come into the world.

I don’t think that you can understand the feeling of being caught in a single moment while at the same time feeling stretched across the ages until you yourself become a parent. I find my thoughts dancing over all of the nights my mother had waited up for me to come home, and all the mistakes I had made as a teenager that in one way or another hurt my family. All of those nights that I came home late and dismissed my mothers’ worry and frustration with me all of a sudden have come around full circle. What will I feel like if you do not come home on time? Will I now be the one losing sleep waiting for the door to click open and heave a sigh of relief when the door quietly squeaks? Will I pretend that I am asleep to cover up the fact that I had been up late worrying? Will I get up and stand in my doorway as you come upstairs to your bedroom to ask you if you are all right?

I find myself singing you the same songs my mother used to lull me to sleep with, and comforting you with the same loving touch I always craved. No matter how much you may feel like you are different from your parents, there is never a time that you feel so completely molded in their image as when you have your own child. Seeing my parents hold you and love you is the most perfect gift I could have received for Christmas. You are all smiles for them, and all I can think about was how I used to be that small baby girl in their arms and now I am watching them hold the baby that will carry on in their likeness and memory years after they are gone.

Happy holidays to everyone celebrating their first Christmas with a new family, and to those dreaming of the Christmases to come. Enjoy the love and warmth that togetherness allows us to experience, and remember to make your memories count. I know I'm going to do my best!!!

I love you my little Christmas boy.

Love, Mommy

Caden's First "Owie"

My poor, little man,

Being a mom is still so raw for me. Moms that are more experienced than me understand that life as you know it can be zapped away in an instant. I'm learning this lesson daily. Last week I learned it again.

It was a freezing morning as your dad took us to the airport early in the morning to make our trek to Colorado for Christmas. I took you out of the car seat to transfer you to your stroller. I had you dressed in warm clothes, a thick jacket, mittens and a hat. I was so worried you would be cold. I want to protect you, every part of you. As I put you in the stroller and tried to buckle you in (as I ALWAYS do, no exceptions) your jacket was too thick and you were already smooshed in there pretty good. I took a blanket, tucked it all around you even more and was convinced that you were so wedged in there that nothing could pry you loose. Boy was I in for a big surprise.

We were practically running through the parking garage to find our way to warmth, with all our luggage in tow. Your dad was in front of us pulling a suitcase and lugging your carseat, and I was pushing you and pulling a suitcase at the same time. Your dad and I both hear a dull thump, a scream, and Crying, Crying, Crying. I had NO idea what had just happened or what could have caused you to cry?? As I stopped the stroller and peeked around to see what was the matter, to my utter HORROR, I see you sprawled out, FACE FIRST on the concrete floor. My mind could not even grasp how this could have happened. Surely, I hadn't just failed you. In that split second before I scooped you up with heart pounding out of my chest, I just knew that we wouldn't be making that plane, that your face would be a bloody mess, that I would be dying all day long.

I picked you up as you were sobbing, and there was nothing. Dear God, there was nothing. No blood, no marks, no nothing. I searched and searched your face....I couldn't believe it. Your sobs were piercing me to the core. I figured out that your blanket must have gotten caught in the wheel of the stroller, pulled you underneath the bar, slid you out and flipped you over. How could I have been so stupid???? Why did I not take the extra minute to make your stroller straps fit?

The fear. The tears -- my own. This is our first injury, I kept thinking, tears falling down my cheeks. The first of many more I knew, and I couldn't stand it.
And, just like that, you were fine. You didn't cry again. Pure, raw childhood seeped from your soul.

Not long afterwards, when I took off your hat, I began to see the results of your fall....a big red bump was beginning to form. Thanks to the fact that I had a hat on your head there was no blood, but still, there was a bump! Just looking at it broke my heart. It got redder and redder.....and it was all my fault!! So....your first "owie"...... It's almost gone now after a week, but it still makes me so sad every time I look at it. I'm so sorry boo boo.... I can already tell that I'm not so cut out for my baby hurting.... You are such a trooper. I love you so much.... :)

Love, Mommy

EIGHT Months!!!!

Happy Birthday to you...Happy Birthday to you, Happy Eight Month Birthday to my perfect little guy....Happy Birthday to you!!! Oh my gosh you are EIGHT months old!!! Aww....... My little baby is growing up so fast..... Every month I can't believe how much bigger you are getting, how many changes you are going through, and how much more in love with you I grow. I have truly never been more in awe of any single human being. you make my life worth living.

You are so full of energy. You rarely stop moving. It is so interesting how being a mommy changes one’s perspective. I was trying to feed you the other day, (which is a whole blog in itself...dear GOD!) and we were doing fairly well until you spotted this bird outside the window hopping around on the patio table. You were so enthralled with this tiny black bird with wild white specks all over his body... just staring at your new little buddy, taking in its every movement. I couldn’t get you to open your mouth if I had a crowbar, so eventually I just gave up and watched the bird with you. It was interesting to think about how many little amazing opportunities I miss in the name of getting something done. We watched that silly bird hop around and do it's thing... It was sweet in some strange way, and not something I can remember doing in recent memory. Your raw enthusiasm for every little thing slows me down, and I like it.

In development news, you still are my little "toothless wonder"..... I just can't believe you still have no teeth! It's amazing!! Just when I think it's going to happen I am fooled! You can definitely sing the song "All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth! :) That's ok my little muchkin....you take all the time you want... :)

You are SOOOOO close to crawling. It will definitely be ANY second now. You roll around the room, spin in circles on your stomach, and now you scoot backwards like a little crawfish or lobster. You are figuring it out....It's just a matter of time! I think Christmas will bring a fast crawler. I swear, once you figure it out it is ALL over. You are going to be speedy gonzales, I know it. You may just decide to skip crawling all together and just start walking! That is not entirely impossible!!

You are constantly talking....Mamamamama, Babababababa, Bowowowowowow, Nananananana, Nite nite nite nite, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi, SOOOOO LOUD all the time. It's so cute. You are also a having a kick doing your little "fake cough". Uh, uh, uh, uh,,,,,, ALL the time!! It's your way to get attention and you think it's soooo funny. Geez little man, you are silly!!

Ok, so mommy is too tired now to even keep her eyes open, but she will write more tomorrow. I love you, and I'm so glad you are mine..... Happy Birthday my life...

Love, Mommy

My Letters To Caden

So I haven't written for awhile....the longest I think I've gone since I started these leters when Caden was born. I guess I've been a little discouraged....and because of what other people were saying I was questioning the existence of this blog I started. I mean, will Caden ever really care that I wrote these things about him? Will he want to stop for a moment someday when he is older to read some of my words of love? Am I expressing things that are too personal about how I feel to my family and friends? I'ts caused me great angst, and I've missed writing on here, but I've just been "stuck" in a place of confusion and frustration that I couldn't quite get out of. Well, now I have decided what I'm going to do. I'm going to keep on writing....

People may disagree with things I do for the rest of my life, I hate that, but there is nothing I can do about it. I can't make everyone happy all the time right? There are those that may think I'm being to open about my feelings for my son, but you know what? I am not ashamed of my love for Caden, or for sharing it. I want the world to know how in love with him that I am. What is the shame of being personal in this world? Don't we need more of that? If only people would express more what they truly feel wouldn't this world be a better place? As far as him ever reading this someday, maybe he will, maybe he won't. And that's ok..... it's there for him if there ever comes a time where he might just need to remind himself how loved he is. I guess I also imagine that if for some awful reason that something were to happen to me, that he would have a piece of my heart to carry around forever.....that he would have no doubt in his mind how much his mommy loved him, cause the proof would be right there in front of his eyes, spilled out on paper with so much emotion and love. I need for him to have that.

So....with as much as I've struggled with keeping this blog alive and going, I'm not going to stop what I enjoy doing so much...talking about Caden. If people want to peek into our world and share my joys, then wonderful!! I welcome you with open arms....that's a part of why this is here. I need all the support I can get... So, starting tonight, I will officially be "back online" and blogging my heart out. I have much to share!!! Hope you all have missed hearing about Caden as much as I've missed writing about him!!!

What good is a "Bib?"

*** For those of you with a subscription to this blog, please go the the actual site or you will miss the video I put on here! ****





My Messy Little Man,

I mean seriously.....what good is a bib when you make the biggest mess ever?? The only benefit I've seen thus far of wearing that silly thing is to protect the small piece of shirt that it covers....that's it. You have your moments of pretty good eating habits, like when we were in North Dakota, you were angel, (little do they know! :)....but for the most part you are nearly IMPOSSIBLE!! :) I just don't understand why you just can't open your mouth, take a bite, close your mouth, swallow and then repeat. Oh no.....you have to open your mouth, take a bite, put your whole fist in your mouth to feel the food as it squishes around....take your fist out, put it in your lap, getting it all over your pants...then take your next bite, put your fist in your mouth again, take it out and this time decide to feel your hair and see if it is still there, getting sweet potatoes, or carrots, or green beans all in your hair....take another bite, stick your hand in your mouth YET again, decide to kiss the nice cloth back of your highchair, and grab it at the same time, as I'm trying to stop you while I'm seeing yet ANOTHER load of laundry happening soon. My GOSH!!! You're not even a toddler yet.....don't even have ONE tooth to speak of and you're already a terror when it comes to eating!! :) I hope this isn't a sign of what's to come!! You are too funny..... I swear I'm not exaggerating about this one bit!!

I think I need to have a salon style set up..... You in a low, plastic chair with a cape tight around your neck with your arms hidden underneath.....Yes...that is what I imagine. How much easier that would be!! Somehow I still feel that you would find a way to make a mess even in that scenario. I've got to find a way to "nip this in the bud" now. How, I'm not sure, but I can't do this forever! :) It's funny to talk about, but not always so funny in the moment. :)

In other news....you are just soooooooo very active. It's really unbelievable. I think back to when you were oh so tiny and couldn't do much but wave your arms... now, you are trying to climb all over everything and twisting and turning every which way to see and experience as much as possible. It is definitely becoming harder to keep up with you and you're not even crawling yet!! I'm starting to realize that I am REALLY going to have my hands full once that happens!!

You have learned how to "wave" hello and goodbye to people and now you want to wave at everyone and everything. It is sooooo cute. I just can't get enough of it. Your little hand gets pumping and it is just precious. You wave at the TV, you toys, the dogs and your own reflection. I love that you are starting to mimic and understand things....How much fun we will have!! I can't wait for every new little thing that you will do....



You are babbling "mamamamamamama" and "babababababababababababa" all the time.... and oftentimes at the top of your lungs.... You seem to really love the sound of your voice. It's pretty darn cute. You are just pretty darn cute.... I can't help it...I am hopelessly in love with you. Don't ever forget that my little munchkin..

Love, Mommy

Why I Love Going To Gramma and Grampa's House...

We got back from visiting North Dakota on Tuesday evening....we had a great trip! It was sooooo nice seeing my dad and getting to know Beth more. It's great that they are together and happy. Yay! :) Seeing my grandparents was wonderful as well....it's been WAY too long. They are so sweet and I just wish I could live closer to be able to see them more. It was wonderful seeing the rest of my family, and my Aunt Carol. Why do I have to live so far apart from EVERY single family member that I care about?? I hate this!!

Anyway...we had a fun, fun week taking pictures of Caden. Of course, if you know me at all, you know my unconventional way of photographing my son. It can never be normal! As my Aunt Jo Ann says...."most people take pictures of their babies in cute outfits...not Tiffany! She shoves him in a mailbox, puts him in a pot on the stove and etc..." Well, I must say we pushed it even further this time! :) It's just too fun!!! We were laughing soooooo hard as we were taking these....even have a little commentary to go along with them! Don't think badly of us for some of these pictures! I would never do anything to put him in harms way!!!!! :) He is always a happy camper and happy to do anything I want him too!! So....here goes...

Why I love going to Gramma and Grampa's House:

Grampa lets me play with knives!!



He even lets me play with Gramma's china!!



He doesn't mind if I play with scissors....



He even lets me play with matches!!



I LOVE when he lets me play with the meat cleaver....



but it's even MORE fun when he lets me play with his power tools!!!



Every once in awhile he'll let me play with plastic bags, sometimes even on my head..



and if I want to play with some bleach or motor oil....he'll LET ME!! :)




My Grampa likes to hunt, and he even let me hold his gun!!




My MOST favorite was that he let me drive his hunting car!! We were both even wearing camo!! :)




Can you believe he even lets me play in the middle of the road?



Grampa taught me all about how to work on a car....I hope I can be as mechanical as him someday!!



He even taught me about google and how to watch stocks online....



What's REALLY cool is that he taught me how the do the "farmer blow" just like he taught my Uncle Matty and my Uncle Joey. That's some great information!!



Most importantly, he also taught me the importance and many uses of ducktape....and that if I ever got a tear in my pajamas, that duck tape would work just fine.




He's such a great babysitter too....He puts me up high where I can see everything that's going on, and he even makes sure my puppy Orrie is with me! How thoughtful!!




Gosh I love going to Gramma and Grampa's.......I wonder what else I'll be able to do when I'm even bigger!!!! I can't WAIT to find out!!