Overwhelmed = No Inspiration

I have no inspiration today. My brain is fried and I am overwhelmed. I just started two separate blogs, saved them both, and then deleted them. They were uninspired, boring and useless. Kind of like this post.
I don’t even have a cute picture to post in lieu of my clever writing.
Some days, I guess, are just normal days, with normal events, and that’s okay.
Or maybe i’m just pretending the day has been normal because i don’t feel like facing any of it. Yes, that’s probably more likely. So forgive me the blahness of this post....


I regularly respond to the concerned inquiries of my friends and family with “Yes, I’m fine. I’m great. I’m happy.” And I am..... surprisingly so. Is it possible that amongst some of my heartwrench and uncerainty that I could possibly be this resiliant, this strong?

And then something will happen, an every day occurance, or more often, a night I stay up too late,like tonight,and I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. If I let it, my fear swallows me and drags me down like quicksand. I feel panicked over how I'm going to do all this....how I'm going to raise him right....how I'm going to financially provide for Caden and yet spend as much time with him as possible. I don't want him in daycare. Can't do it..... So how do I do it? I know that it will be ok....I feel it will be ok, and that is why I'm ok.... but sometimes I just need to cry....and I haven't for a long time. I did that tonight....Cried in fear...cried for the companionship of someone knowing and understanding. It is quite odd to be living with such delighted happiness and such profound sadness all at the same time.

I'm just a little overwhelmed right now....Work is soooo busy and I must leave my love behind...My responsibilities are overwhelming, though I'm not complaining.... Feed the dogs, feed the puppies, feed Caden, clean the house, take out the trash, mow the grass, take out the garbage, make the bed, do laundry, feed Caden, feed myself, dress Caden, clean some more, and then try to do some work in between all of this when he is sleeping..... Whew! Although I do get some help it still is a FULL TIME JOB with overtime! :) Today it just all caught up....I felt choked....

But!! Tomorrow is a better day, and in thinking that, I already feel better. I refuse to feel this way two days in a row, so I'm going to do something exciting and something fun......a big part of that exciting will just be making my perfect, amazing son smile..... God....I'm smiling already just thinking of him. I'm going to go look at him now.... Good night!!