I LOVE YOU

April 23rd.....

Hi buckaroo,

You are 8 days old today. I can't really believe it. In eight days you have learned that you love to be swaddled, are generally satisfied with having your diaper changed getting dressed, (thank God). You enjoy sleeping a great deal which makes mommy extremely happy and proud...especially cause its pretty much through the night...and are tentatively fond of bathing. Your first bath was a not so good experience for you as you screamed the whole time...., the second one was a huge success.

I have to say that so far we all faring okay as a little unit you and me... Sometimes you wake up once in the night around 4am, but as tired as I thought I would be before you got here, I am relatively wide awake and in awe of your sweet face. Nothing else matters..... and I cherish those quiet times with you in my arms. All in all I'd have to say that you are a much better baby than others I've heard about. You tend to either sleep about three hours and then wake up to eat (mainly during the day) or you want to sleep five or six hours at a stretch. The first time this happened I felt wretchedly guilty, as though I was depriving you of much needed nutrition by letting you sleep so long. I have since come to my senses– I am the luckiest person on the planet to have a newborn who loves to snooze so dearly.

I was watching you breastfeed today and it made me teary-eyed. You look so totally peaceful and lovely when you are eating (except when you are snorting out of a piggish fury to Get More Food, also charming). I was thinking how breastfeeding is the closest out-of-the-womb connection we have to one another. Once breastfeeding is over, the connections we will have to one another will be emotional or physical, but in entirely different, somewhat less substantive types of ways (i.e. holding hands before crossing the street, hugging away a hurt). This is it for physical reliance. It's absurd that I'm envisioning the end of something I love so much. I think it scares me to consider the passage of time with you. I want to be able to keep every experience I have with you real forever, never having to store away anything as a memory. And yet…
Just to let you know, when you are waking up, you stretch like a cat, arching your back in the cutest way and making a show of throwing you arms over your head in deep stretches. You yawn about 5 times with your mouth as wide as can be and then stretch some more. It melts my heart.

One more thing, I love you. I just love you so much it makes my heart hurt..... Thank you for saving my life.....you make my life complete.

Love, mommy